So this year has been a Christmas reality check for me. I grew up in a bizarre set of surroundings where holidays went mostly unnoticed. The only person that I was close to who even bothered celebrating them were my Grandma Pat, and I do have a few nice memories of the Christmas tree and a family dinner with the Fagg Family. But during my early memories, my dad was reveling in his newfound cult/religion. I didn't even officially celebrate holidays in school until 3rd grade because I subscribed to my dad's religion at the time. My mom could never be bothered and balked at the commercialization of everything even then. You have to cut her some slack though, as she grew up with a bunch of Jehovahs. So, yeah, my experiences with Christmas was patchy at best.
I struggle with the meaning of Christmas because of my past and because I am an Atheist. This is the first year where I know Bennett may be forming lasting memories. What do we want them to be? What does Christmas mean to us as individuals, as a couple, and as parents? I won't speak for Bernie at all. His experiences have been wholly different from mine growing up in a Catholic/Christmas is a big deal kind of family. What about Santa Claus? I never believed and don't feel a void for it. I don't have any answers for any of this, but I have been thinking about it all a lot. And I have been doing LOTS of Christmas stuff this year. Tree, presents, crafts, gingerbread houses, charity donations, cookies...all are checked off the list and accounted for. I have enjoyed most of it, but also felt the stress of all of the self-imposed goals and deadlines. So, I will try to take it more easy on all of us next year and hopefully let whatever Christmas is going to mean to us as a family form a bit more naturally.
Bernie's birthday is coming up! For some reason, birthdays were the holiday that NEVER went unnoticed in my house. I decided to surprise him with a May trip to Chicago to see the Cubs at Wrigley Field for the first time. He already knows since I had to book the tickets last week. I think he's excited-especially since we are going child free!! Bernie's mom is coming down to stay with the kids for four nights. It will be our first real trip without them. It will be a good dry run for our upcoming big trip...timing and location undecided. Probably South America sometime early next year.
My mom ended up not coming down because my grandma came down with shingles. She seems to be on the mend now and is back at work for awhile most days. It's the second time she has had it, which I guess is fairly uncommon. But then again, I had the chicken pox three times as a child and everyone knows the difficulty I have had with cold sores in the past. I'll be running for the shingles vaccine at 60, that's for sure.
Bennett is on Christmas break now, so we'll see how we all do with full days with Bernie at work and possibly some snow. I am looking forward to it.
