The course of a lifetime

2012-01-20T20:08:00.002-07:00

We have been busy around here lately. Our house-hunt has dialed up in seriousness, so our house has been getting a lot of attention it needs to be put on the market. So far we've replaced outdated light fixtures and window coverings, Bernie has started patching the walls for touch-up paint, and I have been de-cluttering like mad. We got a small storage unit to put all our extra junk in and have started a garage sale pile. Hopefully, we will move to our new house a little lighter. I have also been going Craigslist crazy getting rid of our baby stuff. There is still a long list to accomplish, but we hope to be ready to get the house listed soon.

We will likely find a new house before we list ours, just because the logistics will be easier to work out. It would be difficult to find somewhere to stay if we sold this house before getting a new one. There isn't much on the market right now, but it should pick up as spring approaches. I am VERY excited to find our forever house. We'll be picky, so we have an open-ended timeline to make sure we find what we are looking for.

Vivian is now walking almost everywhere. She's at the really cute stage where she looks like she is waddling and still has her fat little legs. I'm trying to soak it in because she'll be a crazy toddler soon enough. She is learning her animal sounds and recently added the "please" sign to her "more" sign. I die of cute each time she puts them both together.

Bennett is still adding speech rapidly in large chunks. He's got some 4-5 word sentences and is learning new words every day. It feels so awesome to listen to him mimic what we say......finally. Now I better watch my mouth. He is really loving preschool which is a relief. And so far we are happy with our decision to place him in public school.

Both of the kids are in swimming lessons. Bennett seems to be at a developmental stage where he is soaking it up better. It helps that he loves the pool and has asked me to go swimming 20 times since Tuesday. Vivian was a crying mess the first time and about 50% better the second. Fingers crossed that she will enjoy pool time more as time goes on.

We are guinea pig sitting in February for 2.5 weeks for my aunt and uncle. Bennett loved having Bugsey here this past summer, and I'm sure this time will be even better since there are two pigs instead of one.

Home in 2012

2012-01-03T20:53:00.003-07:00

Phoenix made for a lovely December vacation destination. The weather was awesome (mostly in the mid-70's with a couple of 80 degree days). I didn't even miss the snow considering we got a heavy foot of it the day before we left. Traveling with the kids was challenging but never as bad as it has the potential to be. Having the Iphone to entertain Bennett while we check in and go through security is helpful. But I am very confused on the boarding policies of some airlines. Why in the world to they board front to back?? Maybe they noticed what a bad idea it was when the flight attendant had to take a bag from me because I was apparently hitting people on the head with it while trying to carry a VERY uncooperative Bennett to his seat.

The same flight attendant approached us right before take off and whispered the following:

"As long as you are doing your job as Mom and Dad, I don't have any problem with a screaming child. If anyone says anything to you about it, let me deal with them...it's my job." That was a first for me, but she needn't have worried. Despite Bennett's almost-fit and Vivian's pre-boarding huge melt-down, both kids were basically angels during the flight.

Anyway, back to vacation talk. We had a great time with all of Bernie's family. It's always fun to stay with Crystal and Jeremie so the cousins can have some time together. Bennett did better interacting with them this year, but by the end was ready to go home. Vivian seemed to enjoy all the commotion, minus Emily wanting to pick her up/walk her/generally be in her face all the time. I would expect nothing else from a six year old and it was actually very sweet to see how interested she was in Vivian.

We shopped, played golf, drank margaritas, went in the hot tub, ate lots of good food, toured a dairy, drank margaritas, gambled for approximately 5 minutes at the casino, went to the train museum/park (Bennett's highlight), and drank more margaritas. I got to see Bernie and his sisters when they were very little on an old home movie. And we soaked up the sun, which is always welcome in the winter.

Bennett is back to preschool on Thursday. Vivian is walking very sporadically. That about wraps up the excitement for the moment I think. Happy New Year!

Preschool

2011-12-13T20:48:00.002-07:00

Bennett had his very first day of preschool today. The plan was to take him last week, but he got a cold the day before. So we decided to wait. Everything went very well, better than I expected. We told him constantly over the last week that we were going to school, that we had to leave but would come back, etc. We basically tried to give him the social story of what was going to happen so he wouldn't be surprised. He responds to this approach positively in many situations. He loved carrying his backpack into the school and ran right to a table to start playing. Since he seemed to jump right in, we quickly kissed him goodbye and left. I fully expected the teacher to call and tell us that he was upset, but she never did. I picked him up from the playground at 11am and he was so happy to see me. No tears or anything. Apparently he had a couple of moments where they thought he would cry, but he was able to push through them. Although it was difficult to hold his attention for long, he did try and participate with everything the other kids did.

I was a little bit early to pick him up, but I parked near the playground and watched him run around the equipment. It was so strange to be watching from afar and I shed a few tears. But we are very proud of Bennett and we went and had a celebratory doughnut after.

On Vivian's front, there is lots and lots and lots of practice walking going on. She pushes around anything that can be pushed. If she runs into anything and gets stopped she cries until one of us helps her to get going again and then smiles while walking toward the next obstacle.

I get to do a few mom-night-out activities over the next week. Tomorrow it is an authentic Indian appetizer night, Friday a white elephant gift party, and next week a wine/gift wrapping party. I've never been a particularly good or consistent wrapper, but I won't argue with some wine. Maybe it will help my technique!

Bernie's dad will be here tomorrow for a couple of days en-route to Phoenix. He is going to help us replace some light fixtures and with other odd jobs that need to be done to prepare the house for sale. Our list of fixes/improvements is quite long.

We are so happy with our photos! I hope to get the order in tomorrow so we can get some type of holiday/new year cards out to everyone.

We are off for a ten day trip to Phoenix in 10 days. I am very excited to see all of Bernie's family and have the kids with their cousins. Being with my Fagg cousins was the highlight of my childhood and I am sad our kids won't have that same closeness. But I'm sure they will have fun when they have the opportunity.

Bennett is 3!

2011-11-29T22:22:00.000-07:00

Bennett had his third birthday on Thanksgiving this year. He has already made out with an impressive haul. We got him a train table, complete with way too many train accessories. He has been really loving trains for the past few months and always plays with them whenever he has the chance. It's so cute to listen to him squeal "tains!" and "choo choo" when one catches his eye. Grandma Jackie gave Bennett The Very Hungry Caterpillar themed bedding. It is perfect in his room and even had two pillow cases with Bennett's name embroidered on them. The new bedding meant it was time for the real big boy full-size bed.

My mom was here, so she took the kids out while we got everything ready for the big reveal. We had to entirely rearrange Bennett's room to get everything to fit well. And it was a risk to do everything suddenly as Bennett doesn't always love a change in routine, but this worked out. He was so happy to see everything and proceeded to play with the trains and cuddle in his new bed. He loves the sheets with all the stuff the caterpillar ate and spends time every day counting the oranges, plums ("pums!), etc.

Bennett's party isn't even until this weekend. It is also VHC themed and Mom is going a bit overboard. I have found Etsy to be a great party planning/decorating resource for those of us who lack any artistic and creative abilities. I'll be sure to take a lot of pictures.

My mom stayed for a little over a week. Overall, we had a good time and everyone is still living. So that's a win. We bought her an Ipad for all mom-related holidays for the next two years. She took a couple of classes for that at the Apple store and seems to be doing well with it so far. We really didn't do anything else very exciting while she was here. She made some yummy food as is her habit.

Unfortunately, after she left, Vivian and I came down with the stomach flu. Bernie got it a few days later. Bennett seems to have been only mildly affected up to now...I hope we can at least get through his party. And then maybe we can avoid having that type of illness when we go to Phoenix over Christmas.

I am going to register Bennett for preschool tomorrow and maybe we will take him over on Thursday. I am really excited/sad/nervous for him to start. I think he will do well, but I guess it's my job to worry about it.

I have been walking/slash running with a friend of mine. We are trying to get ready for a 5K in April. It's not easy getting out to exercise with Bernie's work schedule + 2 kids, but we are managing a 2-3 times per week (except when someone is vomiting of course). We are quite the sight with our huge strollers and four screaming children. Vivian gets especially pissy for some reason.

I just asked Bernie if there was anything I was forgetting about and he wanted me to remind everyone how great of a husband he is. And he's right of course.

2011-11-09T21:28:00.002-07:00

We have been going to JC Penney portrait studio a few times a year since Bennett was born. It is important to me to get milestone pictures of the kids and family photos every once in awhile. I know they aren't the most professional or creative photos, but they were serving the intended purpose. Anyway, they are habitually late. And it makes me crazy. It's especially bad when you get two kids ready, schedule the appointment when they will be happiest, and then have to wait 20 minutes while the prior session finishes. I thought I solved this problem by only booking the first appointment of the day. We went in at 10am today and no one was there. We waited 10 minutes and then told the manager we were leaving and not coming back. I am finished with that bullshit. Consider this my official warning to anyone else in Longmont...go somewhere else for your photos. I don't think I will go to that store if not absolutely necessary...like when they send me $10 free coupons.

The photo drama leaves me in a conundrum. Vivian just turned one and Bennett will be three. And it is time for a family photo. We wanted to have my friend Sara's husband Tyson take them while we were in GF this past summer, but my dad's drama and Vivian's allergy issues prevented that from happening. So, I am going to try and find someone around here. I have one person in mind, but if anyone has any recommendations, please let me know.

In more exciting news, I think we have decided on a preschool for Bennett. I was originally convinced that we would send him to Tiny Tim (where his therapists work) for at least this spring. It's a great program that combines typical and challenged kids with qualified teachers and therapy. Sounds perfect, right?? Well, we decided to go through the school district's evaluation as well to see what they might offer. They recommended a public preschool near our house. We checked it out this week and really like it. There are only 6 kids in the classroom with two adults (the teacher and an assistant). Speech and occupational therapists come in each week to work with the kids while in class. The teacher is a special education teacher and has experience with kids like Bennett. She was very nice. So, I think we are going to take the leap of faith and start him there in January (Tues/Thurs mornings). We will have another IEP meeting next week to iron out the details and sign paperwork.

We will probably continue to see his current OT and ST at Tiny Tim as well. We will see how he does with that plan and adjust as needed. I don't want him to be too overwhelmed.

Trip recap, etc.

2011-11-02T13:48:00.002-06:00

We had a nice (but short) trip to Minneapolis. The kids really enjoyed seeing Grandma and Auntie Jodi. It didn't take them long to warm up because Grandma had beed doing lots of Facetime with them before we left. The wedding was fun, although the ceremony itself was not something the kids were able to make it through...not that I expected them to make it through an hour in a church in the first place. I think we stayed for the first 20 minutes and then watched some Mickey Mouse in the car. Bernie enjoyed seeing his friends again. He's right that that was probably the last time they will all be together for the foreseeable future.

If anyone ever gets to that area with kids, the children's museum in St. Paul was great and so was the Thai restaurant across the street. I am still thinking about that food. It's nice to be able to go into a restaurant and order basically anything off of the menu and not worry about there being any dairy in it.

We got back the day before Halloween, so there wasn't much time to prepare. Bennett went as a pirate in jammies (sans hat) and Vivian donned her cupcake gear. She stayed in the wagon while Bennett and I went door to door. He filled his bag by going around the block and is now constantly asking me for "cany!" I suppose I should hide the bag or something. Maybe Vivian can wear the Mickey outfit I got for Bennett this year.

We are happy with our new phones and the ipad was so awesome to have for the plane ride. Bennett is already a pro at one of the preschool apps. I am looking into a few options of speech apps we can work with at home. He continues to make good progress and will now try to imitate almost every word you say when asked. He knows his numbers 1-10, most letters by sight, shapes, and colors. I think there is a lot in his head we just can't know because of his communication challenges. His new favorite thing in the world is trains. He says "choo choo" every time we see one or talk about them. I guess the train table sitting in the basement was a good choice for a birthday gift. Now I just have to find somewhere to put it which involves selling some more of the baby stuff on Craigslist.

Vivian is now our 1 year old baby. She is experimenting with crawling on her hands and knees more. I don't see her walking in the immediate future as she doesn't even like to practice while we hold her hands. She is quite the little imitator though. Her current favorite think is playing patty-cake complete with hand-clapping, rolling, patting, and throwing it in the oven. Hopefully I can get a video of that soon.

Annoying

2011-10-18T15:31:00.001-06:00

I took Bennett in for his follow-up today and his pediatrician looked at the xray and saw NO pneumonia...thought the ER was just playing is safe. So, yeah.

Also, pics on the Flickr page are going to be out of sequence. I posted some of Viv's birthday party yesterday, and now I'm going to start getting caught up by going back to September 2nd.

Our step into modernity, Vivian's Bday party, etc.

2011-10-17T20:46:00.002-06:00

Bernie and I have finally gotten smart-phones-two iphones to be exact. He got the 4 and I got the 4s. We have been thinking about it for a long time and our contract has been up for over a year. So we decided to go for it and signed up with Verizon. This is the first time we even have a text plan. We have been having fun getting familiar with all of the phone features and playing a little bit of Angry Birds. The Siri voice feature on my phone is especially fun. I swore at it earlier today and it said "watch your language!' Ha! And seriously, I don't know if I will ever need another camera. It's such a convenient way to take photos. We are really going to get teched up on Friday when I go pick out my ipad birthday present. I think that will be nice to have on our two upcoming plane trips with the kiddos.

We had Vivian's first birthday party over the weekend. It was a co-party with her friend Audrey who also turned one. It was a fall costume themed party. Vivian was a cupcake and Bennett was a pirate (Aside: I got Bennett a really cute Mickey Mouse costume at a garage sale. I have been slowly introducing him to it for a month, but there is no way he is dealing with that shit. I had to emergency order him a set of pirate jammies from Old Navy. They're cute too, but I thought this was the year for a real costume). I made an owl cake with pyrex bowls, which was my first foray into making a non-regular cake. I will have to post pics of it later. It only stood up for about an hour before toppling over, but everyone at least got a chance to see it. Vivian got scared by some noise and didn't really get into her smash cake moment. But it was otherwise a good time.

Bennett and Bernie have been sporting cold symptoms since Saturday. Last night, Bennett got really weird with his breathing. It was fast and labored. He seemed agitated and was coughing constantly. The breathing thing was really freaking me out so I made Bernie take him to the ER and midnight. His oxygen was a bit low. The chest x-rays revealed a small spot of pneumonia. He is on antibiotics now and we will follow up with the pediatrician tomorrow. I'm glad we ended up taking him.

I have set up times to observe three pre-schools for Bennett. In some ways I feel like we should look at more, but then I feel a bit suffocated by all of the choices. I'm hoping we can find something we really like from the first three and that they will have a spot. Keep your fingers crossed. Now I'm delving into the question of which school district we want to be in. It's all so adult of me!

We are off to Minneapolis next week for a wedding. Bernie's mom and youngest sister will be meeting us there. We are looking forward to it...as long as we get well!

The Kids in Bulletpoints

2011-09-24T19:53:00.002-06:00

Bennett

-finally saying "help" when he needs it. I can't tell you what a breakthrough this is.
-is getting therapy three times per week
-is taking a tumbling (beginning level gymnastics) class that he seems to enjoy. The boy loves his gross motor activities
-gets excited to see his friend Noah
-still loves to cuddle and read books
-is waking more often at night yelling. I don't know if he has started to have nightmares or what.
-loves to ride in the van and look at power lines
-STILL loves to watch the laundry in the washing machine
-enjoys eating green peppers like apples straight out of the garden
-is very into his routines, but doesn't get too mad if they are changed
-is going to be three in two months!
-would eat constantly if allowed
-will be beginning the preschool transition soon. We are meeting with the school district to do their evaluation the first week in October.
-still loves his blanket and thumb
-favorite toys are cars and trains

Vivian
-pulls up to stand on everything, but has not started cruising yet
-puts all food in her mouth and seems to promptly spit it all back out
-waves to say hello, plays peek-a-boo like a pro, mimics words, talks on the phone, and gave the sign for "all done" tonight at dinner.
-pulls on my hair every chance she gets. It seems to be her comfort object
-gave up the pacifier on her own a couple of months ago (much to my annoyance some days), five months earlier than Bennett gave up his.
-has eaten out of a bottle two times in her life and is doing well with sippy cups
-does not love car rides as much as Bennett
-still wakes up 2-3 times per night. Between her and Bennett, I don't know how I function some days
-has to take two baths every day to help with her eczema (which is so much better).
-is going to be one in one month!
-enjoys following Bennett around and getting into his business whenever possible.

Tomatoes the size of softballs.

2011-09-19T13:11:00.003-06:00

We have some of those here. And they are the beautiful multicolor heirloom variety. I went to pick two of them yesterday after not-so-patiently waiting weeks for them to ripen and found that some sort of critter got to them first. The bottoms were eaten out of them. The critter better not show its face, or it will be dead. I cut the parts out that were chewed up, but I don't know if I can bring myself to eat them.

I have been avoiding the blog update recently. I just can't seem to muster the will to write about what is going on in our lives. Things are mostly status quo. Bennett had his first session with the developmental interventionist this morning and it went OK. We are hoping she can help out with his transition to preschool coming up in January. Right now all of Bennett's therapy services are through Childfind, which provides early intervention for under 3's free of cost. So all of our sessions are in the home or community (usually the park). When Bennett's third birthday rolls around, everything will switch to the local school district. Then our co-pays and visit limitations will apply (currently 50 combined for all disciplines for a year). And therapy will be at the center the therapists work through. It should be interesting trying to shuttle him and Vivian to three appointments every week. It sounds like they will try to combine most sessions with preschool when that starts. Bernie has to start looking at other insurance plan options. We are going to blow through 50 sessions in about 3-4 months.

Bennett has had a bit of an explosion in speaking lately. He has probably added about 20 new words in the last couple of weeks. They might not be understandable to everyone, but we can tell what his is saying. Examples include, train, choo-choo, bus, pop, hop, and I did it! I've even heard a couple of "mamas" out of him when he really wants something. Fingers crossed the at progress continues to be made.

Poor Vivian has been sick for the past two days. She has had a fever on and off along with the stuffy nose. And she just puked as well, so I'm sure we are in for fun for the next 24 hours. Especially when she can't sleep for longer than an hour at night and 15 minutes during the day.

I think we have almost made the decision that Colorado will be our permanent home. We have been here for over four years now and made some great friends. And I'm not sure you could find a better place than Boulder County to raise a kid like Bennett. The opportunities and resources are overwhelmingly endless. I can't see going back to Great Falls and we can't wait for five years for something to open up in Phoenix or Missoula. I am ready to make a decision. We are talking about getting our forever house in about 18 months as well. I am already obsessively considering where it will be.

2011-08-31T21:18:00.002-06:00

I guess the most important issue I need to report on is Bennett's developmental evaluation. He was diagnosed with pervasive developmental disorder-not otherwise specified (PDD-NOS). It's still a bit confusing to me, but I do understand that it is on the autism spectrum. There are so many things we need to get done now. He needs more speech therapy, there are a million books to read, a billion theories to sort through, and classes we need to get signed up for. The barrage of acronyms has just begun. We have IEP's and IFSP's to consider and we barely know what they are. I am optimistic. I think Bennett's potential is great and we are getting an early start.

My dad was discharged from the nursing home this week and is now with my uncle Joe's family in Wyoming. He has had a rough couple of days and already a trip to the ER. He is nauseous and barely eating. Everyone is hoping he will be able to settle in soon. I can't see him going anywhere else if he can't make it there. We will have to start considering a long-term facility placement for him I think.

I decided to step down as the coordinator of the 2012 walk due to all of the excitement. I will still be very involved in the planning, but I can't take on the full responsibility.

Miss Vivian has started to pull herself up. I can't believe it. She will be a year old in less than two months. Speaking of birthdays, I have already started to plan both parties. Vivian is having a co-party with her friend Audrey who will also be one. It is going to be a dress-up party since their birthdays are so close to Halloween. Bennett is having a Very Hungry Caterpillar themed party. I am so feaking excited about Bennett's party. He loves the VHC and I have gotten some great ideas off the internet. We are going to decorate his room with the bedding from Pottery Barn Kids (OMG CUTE). His Grandma Jackie just ordered everything for him yesterday as a gift. All of that is definitely a bright spot in all of the difficulty lately.

Bad Blogger!

2011-08-17T13:57:00.002-06:00

It's been awhile...a very busy while. I'm having a hard time organizing any coherent thoughts for this post, so my apologies in advance.

We have been home from the ND/MT trip for about 10 days. Overall it was a good time, with a little bit of drama mixed in just for fun. Being at the in-laws house in ND was relaxing. Bernie took a lot of naps and we got to do fun things with Bennett. We went to the train museum and the zoo. We've been to the zoo in Denver a couple of times, and while it is of course bigger, it is not necessarily better. The one in Bismarck is easier to get through and sooooo much less busy. It's just a better time for Bennett who is still too young to fully appreciate the variety/bigness in Denver. The boy really just wants to squeal at the ducks and geese after all. I got a pedicure with my MIL and Bernie and I even got nine holes of golf in. That's a first since Vivian was born and it was very enjoyable.

About halfway through our time there, I found out that my dad fell and broke his hip while staying with my aunt in Seeley Lake. He was taken to Missoula where he had the entire thing replaced. Then we transferred him back to Great Falls to do his rehab at MRM. There was some initial drama with him freaking out the first night/day, but he seems to have settled in as well as can be expected. I think he will already be leaving next week if all goes well. At first, my family and I were feeling like he couldn't leave again because he just isn't safe. But, he's going to fall no matter where he is. And at least he is happier being with family. So it sounds like he is going to stay with my uncle Joe and his family in northern Wyoming for a bit. I'm afraid something will happen and he will get stuck down there, but that's what everyone wants to do. My saint of an aunt Kathy needs a well-deserved break. After Wyoming, I don't know what will happen. The thought of him in our tri-level stair-filled house is scary now and I don't think we will be able to take him on.

Things were low-key in GF other than stuff related to my dad. We ate out a few times, saw my family, and did a little bit of class reunioning. I am very glad we only did the Hi Ho meetup. That was plenty of seeing high school people for me for the next ten years. It was of course great to see Sara and Amy Ophus and a select few other people.

Vivian's skin is looking so much better. It must have taken awhile for the dairy to completely clear her system, but she is looking all sparkly and healthy now. She still has a couple of crease areas that like to flare up, but those are easily remedied with Cetaphil or the steroid cream. The two baths a day thing can be a bit time consuming, but I will ask the allergist at her follow-up in a few weeks if we can knock it down to one. And I'm still losing weight...so cutting out the dairy is good for something!

Bennett's developmental evaluation was today. It wasn't overly long or traumatic like I thought it was going to be. It took about two hours and mostly just consisted of him playing with the evaluation team. I felt good about what they saw. It seemed like a fair picture of what Bennett is on a daily basis. I was talking with Bennett's OT last week about stating pre-school. She felt like he was ready. There are a million options in the area. We will likely talk more about this at his 6 month evaluation in September. I'm thinking it won't be until January and only a two half day a week type of thing. It's crazy to even think about it!

Our garden is awesome this year! We are finally growing some fruitful plants. We have tons of tomatoes, carrots, onions, peppers, and swiss chard. Next year, I think we will plant the peppers in pots and use the space to plant some garlic. My flowers have been neglected, but oh well.

I am organizing local Preeclampsia Foundation volunteers to work at a patient education booth at the American Association of Birth Centers conference in Denver the first week in September. I don't have a problem with birth centers/natural birthing type stuff, but I am afraid we are going to get lots of bullshit from some practitioners about how if "women just ate this/that they wouldn't get preeclampsia," and "I've never seen preeclampsia in my practice" crap. I really hope that since the director of the conference invited the PF herself, this won't be the case. That should keep me busy for the rest of the month before Promise Walk planning starts up again in September/October!

2011-07-17T21:46:00.003-06:00

We are going on vacation soon. Well, as much as our yearly trip to North Dakota and Montana counts as a vacation. The driving tends to be a bit much and it will be interesting to see how the whole thing goes off with two kiddos. I'm sure the DVD player in the van will be getting some heavy use. There are a few other trips in the works. One of Bernie's good high school friends is getting married on Vivian's birthday in Minneapolis. I really enjoyed it when we where there a few years ago, so we plan to stay a few extra days. And it looks like we are spending Christmas in Phoenix...I won't complain about that.

We were planing to go to my high school reunion while in Great Falls, but things have been badly organized. And the only people I care to see aren't all that interested in going, so we will be meeting outside of the reunion.
i
My dad will be leaving Great Falls with. We will drop him off in Sheridan Wyoming where he will stay with my Uncle Joe and family until he decides he wants to come down to our house. I'm not nervous yet, but I'm sure it will be a challenge. He's going to need to be prepared for some serious kid noise and sleeping in the family room. He is doing ok in Seeley Lake, but has had a couple of anxiety meltdowns related to trying to stop his meds cold turkey. It seems like he has learned his lesson, but I never count on anything with him.

It seems we have finally figured out Vivian's skin. Her eye area got really bad about 12 days after I cut out the dairy. That coupled with a three hour vomiting episode got me thinking that it must be something else. She saw the allergist on Monday and the only thing she tested allergic to was indeed dairy. The skin test didn't look like much, but the blood test was 3 on a scale from one to 6. So definitely no dairy for her or for me until we are done nursing. Her growing out of it is iffy. We will check yearly to see what is going on. Her skin is looking much better now. It must have taken a bit longer for the dairy to clear her system (that and the food I ate at the restaurant the night before the puking episode must have had dairy in it). She is also allergic to dogs,but Hailey isn't near her hardly ever. The doc didn't think that had anything to do with her recent flare up.

We had our first intake appointment for Bennett's autism appointment. It was just a short interview with the psychologist for Bernie and me. I have to make a video of him playing with other kids and fill out yet more paperwork before they will schedule the actual evaluation. I'm hoping to get all of that done before we leave.

Our anniversary was Friday. We didn't do anything too exciting as our baby sitter wimped out. But Bernie did surprise me with a massage at a local spa (an awesome one btw) and flowers. The flowers had five red roses for the number of years we have been married, two white ones for our babies, and one yellow gerber daisy for Hailey. I was impressed with the thought that went into it! I didn't do anything for him, but there might be a surprise in the works for when we get home!

Marlena and the boys stopped by for a night on their way back to Great Falls. We had a lovely day full of gabbing as usual.

Happy 4th of July!

2011-07-02T14:34:00.003-06:00

I just spent the last 30 minutes trying to get red window crayon out of our white carpet. Vivian decided to eat part of the crayon, spread it all over her face, and then the carpet. It doesn't look perfect, but it never did to begin with. I fucking hate carpet. Not sure if I've ever sworn on this blog before. That's how strongly I feel about it. Since the stupid spot cleaner is out of the basement, I've refilled the solution and might tackle some other areas after the kids are in bed tonight. Fun times on a Saturday night!

Bernie is on evening shifts currently and will remain on them through the holiday. I am taking the kids over to a friends BBQ today and Michaela and Craig's house on Monday (I should probably go RSVP), so we will stay busy. I hope to avoid too many fireworks as they have always freaked me out. Luckily they are mostly illegal in Longmont. We are often in Mandan with Bernie's family over the 4th where almost anything goes. I hide in the house for most of the night! Bernie got Bennett some snaps and snakes. I'm sure he will get a kick out of those.

The race is finally over...for this year anyway. I don't plan to start on too much planning for next year until September. I'm hopeful that Mindy and I can find a few more people who want to be involved to make things go more smoothly. It would be great to be able to delegate tasks and not worry so much about every little thing. The actual event went well with a few to-be-expected hiccups (not enough shade in 90 degree heat for example). I haven't gotten any complaints from those who attended. It was very emotional with Mindy and I crying at multiple points during the morning. Overall, it was well worth the effort.

We are at over $17,500 now. It's possible we could still get to $20,000, depending on donations over the next month and employer matches. We had just over 200 participants. I had no idea what to expect. I did think there would be more walk-ups than we ended up having, but it is probably best that we didn't get inundated the first time. The guy who timed and managed the race thought we did well and that anytime there are 200 at a first-time race, things look good for growth in the future. We raised the registration price from by $5 at our event (compared to other PW's in the nation) to pay for the management and timing. We fell short about by $300.

Vivian is having all kinds of trouble with her skin. It has always been sensitive, but earlier this week it broke out badly. It was red, scaly, and itchy. I took her to the MD and she was disagosed with eczema. He thought it was related to a dairy intolerance. So now I am on a dairy-free diet which isn't as bad as I had thought. The saddest part is no mochas. BOOOO. Vivian also has a prescription skin oil and things are looking much better. Her poor eye still looks red and itchy though. We'll see how things go until her nine month appointment in a couple of weeks and talk about adding the dairy back in slowly to see what happens.

Vivi also finally sprouted her first tooth yesterday! At least seeing it explained why she was up crying fore three hours the night before.

Race, kids, and cats

2011-06-17T20:49:00.002-06:00

Things are very very busy in our lives right now. The race is so close now that it takes up all of my free time. I knew this would be a lot of work, but I now have a healthy respect for anyone that undertakes such a project. It seems like I hear no 20 times for every time I hear yes. I'm hopeful that next year it will be easier--and that Mindy and I will have more local help. Everything is shaping up decently though. Our goody bags are not going to be as full as I would like and we only got one $50 sponsor. But we have raised almost $15,000, which is significantly more than the $10,000 goal we started with. I'm optimistic that we could get to $20,000 and make it into the top 5 walks in the U.S.

We are trying to make the most of the nice weather as well. It's not crazy ass hot yet but it has been warm enough for Bennett to enjoy the backyard pool. I am jealous of that child's skin. It's a nice even color and he tans so easily. Vivian on the other hand got her skin from me-white, sensitive, and splotchy.

After the race it's only three or four weeks until we head to North Dakota and Great Falls. It should be interesting with all of the flooding. I'm not sure how I feel about the high school reunion. We are going to go, but I agree with the rest of you about the terrible organization. We should be able to make some fun out of it I hope.

Speaking of flooding, Bernie went to Great Falls to work in their office last week to help them out. It was the first time I had been alone with both kids. We made it through, but not without a few "good mom" moments. My favorite was when I accidentally left the door to the garage open and Bennett disappeared for a few minutes. Just when I was about to freak out, I found him driving the van with a huge grin on his face. I won't be a fan of doing it again any times soon. It is amazing how difficult it is not to have the small breaks you are used to when in comes to parenting. And I missed Bernie too of course.

Vivian has finally turned on the solid food machine. She has been spitting almost everything out for the past six weeks. For two days now she has been scarfing everything down. We all had a cold last week and she was still looking sick yesterday. I took her to the doctor and of course all was fine. I'm hoping she will get over everything soon so we might have a healthy week or two around here.

Bennett had his follow-up appointment with his doctor regarding his speech and occupational therapy. He seems to be making some progress with his sensory issues, but his speech remains the same or maybe worse. His is still at about three words and endless unintelligible babble. The therapists think his sensory difficulties are actually causing his speech delay. I have no idea. It's just frustrating to not be making speech progress. His doctor recommended a developmental evaluation at Children's Hospital to check for Autism, so we have to figure that out soon. The waiting list is 4 months long and the actual appointment lasts 5 hours.

I am going to ask opinions on a ridiculous subject. There is a cat in the neighborhood that roams free. It is not a stray, has a collar, and seems well-looked-after. In fact, it's owner came to the door with a flier explaining the cat and it's history as an outdoor cat. There have been instances where I have been plating flowers in my outdoor pots and have found cat shit. This pisses me off. I compare it to my dog. I don't let her roam around wherever she wants and let her shit on other people's property. Could you imagine what would happen if I did? Am I just a cat-hating bitch to say that these people should keep their animals on their own property?

End of May update

2011-05-30T20:50:00.003-06:00

I'm starting to freak out a little about the race. It's getting so close now. I'm starting to have the racing mind syndrome when I try to go to sleep at night which makes rest challenging. The walk-through with the park manager was last week and it went well. We're just needing to iron out about one bajillion details. I think what I am most nervous about is how much money we raise. The costs to put on the race are going to be around $4000. I want to be able to clear at least $10,000 as a donation. 5K's are so popular around here though that I expect we will have many walk-ups on race day. Hopefully that will get us there.

Vivian is on the move! She rolls everywhere and has begun the inchworm crawl. She is also laughing more often which is nice. She was such a somber little thing for so long. Oh, and did I mention that she slept from 7:30pm to 4:40am without eating last night. I should probably delete that because it won't happen again tonight I'm sure. But other than the exploding/painful boob issue, it was awesome.

Bennett is being himself. He is loving to spend time outside, so the warm temps we've been promised next week are going to be nice. He also seems to be in a whining phase which wears on my nerves some days. If he could just say a few words I'm sure the whining would lessen. It sucks to be unable to communicate effectively with him.

I need to start losing weight. I have done nothing but gain more since having Vivian...about 8 lbs in the last few months. I just kept hoping that breastfeeding would take it off of me, but I have to face the reality that I am just not one of those women. Instead I'm going to have to, you know, take responsibility for it my own self.

My dad is getting discharged in the next week. He still plans to go to my aunt Kathy's for a couple of weeks before going down to Wyoming. My confidence level of this actually happening is low as he has been unwilling to leave the nursing home to simply go out to dinner at the Amigo half a mile away. Only time will tell I suppose. His house is going on the market tomorrow and my mom expects there will be multiple offers. I suppose some investor will buy it, tear it to the ground, and build a rental.

Emergency Trip to Great Falls

2011-05-14T21:05:00.002-06:00

We had to travel to Great Falls last Monday. My aunt called and told me that my dad was in the hospital. He had called the neighbor asking for a gun because he just wanted to die. The neighbor went over to find exposed electrical wires, knives, and a gun (I imagine he didn't have any bullets or the gun was non-functioning). The neighbor called 9-11.

It turned out that my dad was in an enormous amount of pain and had oxygen saturations in the 70's. He was having a very difficult time breathing. When they listened to his lungs, they couldn't hear anything. He had a punctured lung. He told me that he has been falling frequently at home and likely got the puncture during one of the falls.

I think most people who read this blog knows, but just in case anyone is unaware...my dad has a genetic disease called spinocerebellar ataxia. This is a progressively debilitating and incurable disease. My grandmother started showing signs in her mid-forties and died in 2006. She slowly declined over the course of 20 years or so. My dad started showing signs a bit earlier and seems to be progressing more rapidly. He is 51 and looks to be about 70. He walks unsteadily with a walker and is probably about a year from a wheelchair. His gait, coordination, speech, and eyesight with continually deteriorate until he is unable to preform daily activities.

He ended up staying in the hospital for one week. The first couple of days were rough because he continued to voice his desire to die. At that point, we were seriously considering hospice because he wasn't eating or drinking anything. Then the doctor prescribed him a pain medication that works on the nerves (his disease causes very painful degeneration of the nerves) and he became a different person. It seems that he has been living in terrible pain for some time now, he refused to see any doctors or take any meds since his last hospital stay five years ago. The pain med along with the anti-depressant have really helped his outlook. He has been much less stubborn, accepting of help, and is even dealing with the real future.

Dad has been living alone and stubbornly refusing any assistance. For years he denied that he even had the disease and sought refuge in some far-out religious views. He felt that God would cure him if he had enough faith and that he would go on to live a normal life. It was infuriating and frustrating to talk to him sometimes because there was no recognition of the reality of his situation or need for future planning. Something seems to have genuinely shifted in him after this incident. He let me help, and not just a little. He was happy to let me basically take charge and get the shit done that needed to be done for years. He agreed that he couldn't stay in the house anymore and didn't flinch when we told him it was getting cleaned out and put on the market. We got health care and financial powers of attorney done. I have gotten rid of one of his cars and am working on the second one. The man has been paying for car insurance but hasn't driven in three years. He was also paying for internet for a computer that hasn't been touched in at least four years. We got all of that canceled. I got all the money he has been hoarding at home in the bank.

He is now staying in a nursing home for a stint of rehab. The plan is for him to travel around and live with different family members after that. He has been talking about doing this for some time. I was very hesitant at first, but have come around over the last week. Who knows how much time he has left, and if he is able to handle it, I don't want to stop him from having one last adventure in this lifetime. He will stay with my uncle Joe in Wyoming for a couple of months and then head down here when we leave Great Falls in August. I don't know how it's going to work in our house (multiple levels), but we are willing to give it a try. After that he wants to go straight to the nursing home.

The house was a HORRIBLE mess. There was standing water in the basement along with a few years worth of mold growth. Mice shit everywhere. I am afraid for the person they hired to take everything to the dump. It's so hard to believe that he has been living like that for so long.

We just got home a couple of days ago and are trying to catch up with life. I have fallen behind with everything, but the walk is weighing most heavily at this point. Hopefully we can get things under control next week.

General Stuff Post

2011-04-30T14:49:00.003-06:00

The coolest thing about the new van: how it works with my ipod. I never liked to use the ipod in the car before even though I had a connector because scrolling around on the stupid thing while trying to drive is annoying, not to mention dangerous. The van has a USB port in the glove box. I plugged the ipod into it and my entire library is on the regular vehicle display. And it is super easy to search through and find what you want using the van controls...sort of like finding a radio station. I'm sure this has been around for awhile, but I'm consistently behind the tech curve.

Vivian is officially six months. We have started trying solids, but thus far she spits everything out (tried cereal, fruit, and veggies). We'll just keep offering at this point. She seemed sooo interested, I thought she'd take to it right away. File that prediction under the growing pile of "mom thinks she knows how the kids will react to something, but not really." Her MD appointment went well. She's 16 lbs. 11 oz and 25.5 inches which is all right around 50th percentile. She is rolling all over the place and (please don't jinx it) sleeping a bit better. The last couple of nights she slept from 7:30 to 1:30 (with a few short interrruptions) and again from 1:30 to 5:00 or so. Then I bring her to bed with me for the last couple of hours.

Bennett is getting a couple of words out consistently and clearly. The ones I can think of at the moment are "hi" and "no." He is babbling repeated letters a lot, so I hope he is on his way in that department. He has been having more fun being around other children and making more eye contact as well. All good things. I still worry about him all the time, but I suppose that won't stop no matter what.

My dad is still saying that he needs to move out of the house by the end of the summer. He usually changes his mind, but for now I am running with it. I requested applications for Eagles Manor and Park Manor in GF. He agreed I could fill them out just in case he decided to move to one (rather than traveling around the country every few months to live different relatives). Both places offer some light housekeeping as well as meals. I hope he will decide to give it a try. I'm not sure how long he will last there until he needs more assistance and has to move to the nursing home. He would be a great candidate for assisted living, but doesn't have the money. Montana has waiver spots (long waiting lists) at ALF's for Medicaid recipients, but he has consistently refused to apply. It took some convincing to apply for disability a few years ago.

I think I will buy our vegetable plants this week and get those in. My goal is to get a couple of good tomato producers this year. I have had trouble in the past. Usually I plant 3 or 4 and only 1-2 make it.

We are over $8,000 for the race today! I'm getting excited to raise our goal and very nervous that it's less than two months away. We still don't have any real cash sponsorships which is really frustrating when you've applied to what seems like a zillion places. But we do have food, coffee, and possibly some fruit. I'm trying to stay positive and send good vibes out into the universe. Maybe good things will bounce back.

Do you get some mom pants with that mini-van?

2011-04-17T20:02:00.002-06:00

I think that's what Amy asked me when I told her we were going to purchase the mom-mobile. And no, it didn't come with a pair...but I plan to buy myself some along with a patchwork vest to wear whenever I am driving around in it. Seriously though, you can't take it away now that I have it. I've been driving it for about two weeks and love it. Automatic doors, heated seats, and lots of room for everything. It's a little different than driving the Prius around with two kids. It's silver 2011 Honda Odyssey with gray leather interior. Honda did a redesign this year and at first I though it was ugly. Now I'm getting used to it. My fellow mom-friend Jermaine says it looks "mean," so that's something.

Bernie has sold his truck. Every shred of his man-hood is now gone.

Bernie's parents are leaving tomorrow after staying the weekend. I always wish they would stay longer, but they need to get back to North Dakota after spending multiple months in Phoenix. We didn't do anything too exciting. But Bernie's dad got the "papa-do" list whittled down and we finally planted some trees in the backyard. It sounds like we are going to be doing some fairly serious landscaping ourselves back there this summer.

We have had tickets to see U2 for about 18 months now. Last year, the concert was canceled because of Bono's back. It was rescheduled for this May. I don't think I'm going to be able to go because we will be gone 6+ hours. Vivian is not ready to be away from me for that long and we have not had any luck getting her to take a bottle (haven't tried in a few months). Add that with the recent case of stranger strangeness we have been having and it's not a great situation for concert-going. I'm a little disappointed, but not too much. I'm sure Bernie can find someone else who will have more fun than me. All I would do is worry about the kids. I did go to trivia last night for my first real outing since Vivian was born. And we won for once in our miserable lives.

Vivian will be six months old in 10 days. Other than the couple of teaspoons of cereal she had last week, she has been exclusively breastfed the entire time. I think it's one of the proudest accomplishments of my life thus far...especially after all the guilt-inducing drama I had trying to breastfeed and pump for Bennett. However, I think teeth are on their way. I hope Vivian will be nice to her mama.

Well there's that goal down the drain

2011-03-29T20:50:00.004-06:00

The update twice a month goal. I will try harder next month. It seems like we've been really busy, although I can't remember specific things we have done. I think I will try a list approach this time.

Bennett

1) He has been getting speech therapy every week for about a month now. The therapist is really in his face and it is taking him some time to get used to it. She will do things like take his blanket and say "mine" and then wait for 10 seconds hoping he will also say it. That was one of those things I was trying to avoid, but he has such an emotional reaction to it, that the approach might be a good one. I heard him use the "m" this week when she did it. It's frustrating to keep going without much noticeable improvement. We just need to remind ourselves that it is a long-term goal.

2) Feeding therapy/OT will begin this week.

3) Bennett is such a love bug lately. He still loves to snuggle, hug, and read books.

4) We watched my aunt and uncle's guinea pig this week. Bugsey was a hit with Bennett. He spent a lot of time watching and wanting to feed her.

5) He has been loving long showers just like his mom. He would sit in there until the water got cold if we let him.

6) Still obsessed with the laundry and anything that moves in a circle. The new loves of his life are power lines. We search for them every day when we are in the car.

Vivian

1) Rolls easily both directions off of her tummy. Can roll onto her right side, and almost to her tummy.

2) She grabs absolutely everything. I forgot how razor sharp those little baby nails can be!

3) She seems very interested in eating. I let her mouth my banana or apple some days, but still hope to hold out on the solids for a few more weeks. She was five months old yesterday.

4) Sleep continues to be difficult. She is now out of the pack and play and into the crib about 50% of the time. The other 50% of the time she is in bed with me, so I can you know, get a few hours of uninterrupted sleep. Naps last 20-30 minutes. I knew she was going to be a challenge because Bennett was always a pretty good sleeper. Karma just works that way it seems. Maybe that will work out into Vivian being a better eater? I will hope.

5) Her personality is shining through. Vivian smiles easy but laughter is a real challenge. In fact, I have yet to hear that first belly laugh. She is a bit of a drama queen and is not afraid to let me know when she doesn't like something.

General Life Stuff

1) Melanie's quick visit was a good time. We did a little shopping, eating, and zoo-going. It was nice to spend longer than an hour our two with them for once.

2) Bernie's parents will be back through in April. My mother plans to come out again as well.

3) I bought our onions already! The garden should be up and running in the next 5-6 weeks.

4) The run is progressing (we have raised $3900 as of tonight), although I have run out of steam for the moment. I need to regain some motivation...we only have one cash sponsor and I am really hoping to get at least a few more. I have a co-coordinator now and she is fund-raising crazy so that helps. I am super pissed that my MFM group didn't sponsor. They deal with PE every day and couldn't be bothered to even send $50. Never mind how much money they made off of Bennett's birth and Vivian's pregnancy.

5) The mini-van is coming. I will probably be driving it the first or second week in April. No making fun.

6) It's spring!

What is happening

2011-02-27T13:59:00.004-07:00

Vivian had her four month appointment yesterday. All was well with her stats: 14 lbs. 11 oz. and 24 3/4 inches, all in the 75th percentile. Her doctor encouraged us to start solids at five months, but I'm undecided about it at the moment. I think it will more likely be around six months. We are gravitating towards a daytime sleeping schedule that is not at all rigid. She usually sleeps until 8:30am or so (after being awake multiple times at night), naps for 30 minutes during our daily outing, and then takes a longer nap in two spans while Bennett sleeps in the afternoon. Then she needs another 30 minutes or so before dinner and is usually out for the night by 7:30. I wake her to eat again before I go to be between 9 and 10. It doesn't seem that she is even close to sleeping through the night, although I don't really expect her to at this point anyway. She sleeps much better at night when swaddled, but she is old enough now that we are trying to wean it. This has led to very frequent waking that we are going to have to tough out. Her room will hopefully be ready in the next few weeks and we can begin that transition.

Speaking of transitions, Bennett has been going through a couple of his own recently. He is in his big boy bed all the time now with little trouble. We just left it in his room until he was ready to go in it himself, which only took a couple of weeks. He absolutely loves it and jumps in whenever he is in his room. He hasn't gotten out of bed yet, which probably has something to do with the darkness of his room. We haven't had to introduce a night light yet, so he can't see anything to get up for. He is also out of the highchair and we are all eating meals at the actual dining room table. That one was very easy...it just took awhile for me to get his seat ready. I suppose potty training will be the next transition. I don't think we are even remotely close to that.

Bennett will be getting speech, feeding, and play therapy which will hopefully start this or next week. I got a call asking about our insurance on Friday so I know things are in the works.

Wow! Exciting kid talk.

In more exciting news, Melanie and Gwendolyn are coming to visit in the middle of March. They will stay with us for two nights and with Melissa for two nights. I'm very excited to have them! It's always nice to have guests to break up what can be a boring routine some days.

Bernie is getting his truck ready to sell this week. We are going to become a mini van family in the very near future. It's a little bit sick, but I'm excited. It will be nice not to cram all of our crap in the Prius with the dog for traveling. Our road trip up north should be a lot more comfortable this year.

I suppose I should update on the Missoula job situation. About a week after Bernie applied, he checked on his application. Apparently it did not get forwarded to the Missoula office because he did not sent in a piece of paperwork proving that he works for the government (seriously?). He had never sent this in when applying for a job before and it had never been an issue, but this time it was. Since the application deadline had passed, he was unable to turn it in and was deemed ineligible. We were disappointed to say the least, but it turned out fine in the end. After the selection was made (someone from the Missoula office got the job), Bernie talked with the boss there and got feedback on his application. He wouldn't have gotten the job or an interview, but wasn't far off. So we got all that we would have if the application had gone through and Bernie will be able to make his resume that much better for the next opening-wherever that might be.

Oh, and spring is coming! We don't have it nearly as bad as you Montana people do, but I'm very ready anyway. Parks, walks, and regular play in the back yard...here we come.

Sigh

2011-02-09T21:08:00.002-07:00

We have been having a rough week around the Meier household. Everyone has been sick with a nasty head cold/upper respiratory. Bennett had a high fever for a couple of days followed by the hacking and snot factory. Bernie had a milder version. Vivian and I were last but were both miserable for a few days. Both kids ended up at the doctor just to be sure it was nothing serious. Bennett and Bernie are basically better. Vivian and I are still recovering. I felt the worst for her. She's so little and helpless. Hearing those racking coughs and hoarse voice were almost enough to drive a mommy over the edge. She even puked up what little food she had in her belly a few times after a coughing fit. I rented a damn pump and everything so my supply wouldn't dip while she was busy eating hardly anything and I was getting plugged ducts.

Blah. But now we are feeling better and I really really really hope we can avoid having anyone sick for even a week or so.

And then there was Bennett's speech eval. We were referred to Colorado's early intervention program because he will likely qualify for free services due to him being significantly speech delayed. Vivian and I felt like crap, and it had just snowed a bunch, and it was cold, and can I complain a bit more about it? Anyway, we went into a room with lots of toys so they could do the eval while watching Bennett play. There was a speech pathologist, a social worker, and a psychologist (and a physical therapist about halfway through). They were asking us questions from every direction. These were questions I really could have used some time to answer. Keep in mind that I had to fill out a huge written evaluation before the meeting. Why can't you include these questions in the paperwork so we can think about it a bit? Grrr...

Vivian was absolutely pitiful and whined a hoarse whine the whole time. I was overheated and overwhelmed. I actually told Bernie that I felt like checking into the psych ward for a few days after the evaluation. I'm feeling much better today, but that was tough.

It seems that Bennett's speech delay is bleeding into other areas of his development, most importantly, his play. He doesn't seem to have much imagination or pretend play yet. Instead he is very cause and effect oriented and seems to have some compulsive behavior (must "drive" everything he picks up). So, he will be getting speech therapy as well as sessions with a feeding specialist (his eating habits are very texturally controlled). They mentioned another kind of therapy that I can't remember.

So this is all very difficult. Just when you think your preemie may have come away unscathed, they don't. I just hope we can get things back on track.

Lesson learned the hard way...

2011-01-30T13:09:00.002-07:00

We got back from our 10 day trip to Phoenix on Thursday. On Friday, I decided it was time to get the pictures off of my camera and update the Flickr page. As soon as they were finished transferring off the camera Iphoto closed. And then it wouldn't open. It just kept coming up with an error message telling me that I needed to restore from backup. I have over 2500 photos on that program. I started to go into panic mode because I haven't backed up my computer since the middle of October. I spent most of the day trying to figure out what to do since all of Vivian's pictures have been taken after the back-up. In the end, I did have to restore to the October version of Iphoto. For some reason my computer kept all the pictures from the Phoenix (some fine, others very fuzzy for some reason) trip but all the others are gone. Granted, I have a decent number on Flickr, but I'm heartbroken that the rest of Vivian's pictures up to this point have vanished into computer limbo.

On to my question for all of the computer genius people that read this blog. I want to get the photos I have uploaded to Flickr back into Iphoto. When I try to just drop them in, they are not very good quality. Any advice on how to make this work?

I now vow to back-up my computer every time I upload new pictures. And I might not ever erase another memory card.

Enough dwelling on the depressing photo issue. Our trip to Phoenix was great. I'm glad we went for longer than the week trip this year as two days are spent mostly in travel mode. Both of the kids were so amazing on the plane. I was seriously psyched up to have the most awful experience. We got compliments from people around us about how pleasant the flight was sitting near two small children. We didn't even have to go through many snacks. Vivian is generally quite happy, especially if someone is holding and talking to her. And Bennett seemed to be in a comfort zone while in his car seat. The Mickey Mouse DVD's certainly didn't hurt.

We spent most of the trip at my SIL Crystal's house. She was there with her two kids and my mom stayed with Bernie's parents. Many margaritas were consumed. Many many Patron margaritas. Bernie got to go golfing a couple of times and lost some money at the casino. I did a little shopping. We didn't get out to eat much at all because my mother is anti eating in a restaurant.

Bennett had a difficult time with all of the chaos going on around him. His cousins are two and five and FULL of energy. Those two run around screaming and playing most of the day. He did not have much interest in running with the pack and mostly clung to Bernie or I. He would play near them only if one of us was with him. He is going through some kind of phase where he wants one of us with him to do everything. I'm sure it has something to do with Vivian. I just hope it's now some larger social issue. Still hardly any understandable talking. A mother can't help but worry. Hopefully the speech therapist will be able to help.

Now I have laundry in the dryer from yesterday to fold and a diaper blowout mess to clean up. Come on, I know you're jealous.

Twice a month

2011-01-10T20:41:00.003-07:00

That's my goal for blogging. If I can update twice a month, I will be happy. It's always on my mind, but never the primary thing that needs to be accomplished. We'll see if it's a realistic goal. Judging by the date of my last post, probably not.

We are headed to Phoenix on Saturday for almost two weeks. Bernie's entire family will be there (minus the brother-in-law) and so will my mom. It should make for an interesting group of people, especially with my mother in attendance. I don't think we have any really exciting plans. I would like to get up to Flagstaff since there is a weather service office there...need to check out possible future locations after all. Speaking of weather service jobs, one of Missoula's management positions is coming open. I'm 95% sure Bernie is going to apply, and we're also 99% sure he won't get it. But it will be good for him to keep his resume up to date. We hope he at least gets an interview so we know how close (or not) he is to a promotion.

Vivian had her two month MD visit over two weeks ago now. Everything looked great. Last week at the weigh in I take her to she was 12 lbs. 11 oz. I looked back at Bennett's adjusted growth and they are fairly close. We'll see if Vivian keeps up with him.

I need need need to get some exercise in my days when we get back from Phoenix. I think I will try some stroller strides with just Vivian when Bernie has days off during the week. I enjoyed that with Bennett. And maybe some Wii fit if I can find a game that gives a decent work out. The one it comes with is a joke.

Whoever said breastfeeding takes the weight off is a dirty liar. I keep waiting, but the scale never goes down.

We took Bennett for his speech eval last week and were not surprised by the results. She felt he was "significantly delayed" and needs to have therapy. In fact, she thinks he will qualify for free therapy through the school district because he is likely below the 8th percentile in his speech. So we have an appointment set up for that when we get home. If he does qualify, they will come to the house until he is three and then he can get therapy in the pre-school in our district. It hurt a bit to hear that, but I'm glad we are going to get some help with it. They may be able to help us out with some issues that seem sensory as well (especially his eating habits).

I am in the thick of organizing the preeclampsia walk. It is quite the undertaking. We're hoping to raise $10,000. To that end, I am compiling lists of sponsors and sending out the letters. Then we need a route map, mileage chips, portable toilets, trash cans, entertainment, food, etc. The list seems endless at the moment. We did get a great location at a park in downtown Denver, so that big part is out of the way. I'm really excited to have the opportunity to do this.

The winter is long. Even though the weather hasn't been too bad, I will be excited for spring and getting outside with the kids more.

Home rambling

2010-12-16T20:42:00.003-07:00

I thought I should write about how it's going at our house now that we are living in the land of two kids. Generally, daily life is going better than I had imagined. I had myself prepared for a more difficult time than has been the reality. Bennett is adjusting to Vivian's presence. He spends a lot of time pointing, waving, and yelling gibberish at her. He must kiss her 20 times every day. He also tries to rock her much to hard in the bouncy chair and removes her socks constantly. He has only tried to push her away from me once. There are moments of obvious jealousy. Sometimes, he tries to get me to go with him while I'm feeding Vivian. Other times, his mood just deteriorates and meltdowns follow. But, he's two as well, so it's difficult to attribute where these fits come from.

It would make our lives much easier if Bennett could communicate more clearly. He barely says any understandable words at all, instead making his needs known by shaking his head and pointing. We had his two year appointment last week and his pediatrician wants to do a speech eval just to be on the safe side. So I'm working on getting that set up in the next couple of weeks. Bennett's two year stats were: 30 lbs 8 oz and 34 1/4 inches. Both are in the 75th percentile. It's amazing to imagine him being completely off the charts and now almost at the top!

Vivian is doing very well. She hasn't had any formula and is a very efficient nurser. I was worried about her in the beginning because she eats for very short periods of time. Like 5-8 minutes a feeding and then she's done for 1-3 hours during the day. I kept hearing that babies nurse for 20-30 minutes. She's been gaining weight nicely (11 lbs. 8 oz. today), but a mom still worries. I went to see the lactation consultant last week and we did a feed and weigh session. Vivian nursed from one side for five minutes and the other side for two. She took in 5 1/2 oz in that time. So I don't worry anymore...I just consider her a champion eater! Our nights have been getting easier. She sleeps 4-6 hours the first stretch and 2-3 the second. I definitely can't complain about that.

Vivian is a really sweet baby. Her demeanor is mostly calm. She rarely cries for more than a couple of seconds and is easy to calm. She loves to look at Mom and Dad and has begun smiling in the past week. Today she was talking up a storm. It might be cliche, but she is really a joyful addition to our family. She does hate the car seat and lets you know it for the first few minutes.

Bernie has to work on Christmas. We are going to do our celebration on Christmas Eve with some of my mom friends, their spouses, and kids. We are doing a potluck and I am looking forward to it. They have really become like my family here in Longmont.

The in-laws are coming through on their way to Phoenix at the end of the month. Then we are heading to Phoenix on Jan 15th for a 10 day vacation. It sounds like Bernie's entire family will be there. My mom is coming as well, so it should be a wild time. Hopefully, we can squeeze in a round of golf. I've been having withdrawals lately.

Hope everyone has a great holiday.

Vivian's Ordeal

2010-11-26T13:56:00.004-07:00

Vivian's birth was mellow, but her first week of life was scary. Maybe even more scary than Bennett's, it's difficult to say in hindsight.

We left the hospital Saturday and had a couple of non-eventful days with lots of help from family at home. Vivian seemed to be doing well. When I nursed her on Saturday and Sunday, I would have my hand behind her head. I kept feeling a set of bumps and told myself that I would look at them when we were done. And I kept forgetting. I did remember to show them to the doctor on Monday and that's where the fun began. There was a cluster of fluid filled blister-looking things on the back of her head (I would say there were 5-7 of them). They varied in size from the size of a crayon tip to as big as a dime. Her doctor looked/felt at them for some time and then left the room for even longer. When he came back, he very seriously told us that she needed to admitted to the hospital right away because the blisters could possibly be a herpes infection. I of course started crying almost immediately. It was unbelievable what another one of my babies was going to have to spend time in the hospital.

We went across the street and began the process of admission. I began to realize how serious the situation was when Vivian's doctor explained the myriad of tests he was going to run and that she would need to stay at least a week. She had to be on IV antiviral drugs and fluids the entire time. So yeah, our 4 day old baby had an IV in her hand. Poor baby girl. Give breastfeeding a try with that thing in the way. She had cultures done to her eyes, nose, mouth, as well as the actual blisters. She had blood drawn for a culture and to check her liver function. The worst was the spinal tap. We weren't in the room for any of these tests...I'm not sure if I would have ever been able to get the images out of my head. When a newborn has herpes, it can quickly affect the entire system, which was why so many tests needed to be ran. It was important to see how far the infection has gone. Most of the tests were supposed to come back within a couple of days, but the most important one (the culture of the actual blisters) would take a week. That test would definitively say whether it was herpes or not while all the others would just let us know how far things had spread if they had.

On top of all of this, Vivian was significantly jaundiced, so she had to be under the lights the whole time she was there. She stayed on the pediatric floor and not the NICU. I got to stay with her the entire time and didn't leave the room for more than a moment to fill my water cup.

Some of the test results came back Tuesday. They showed her liver function to be normal and the cultures of her ears, eyes, etc. were fine. On Wednesday, her doctor let us know that the blood culture was negative and that Vivian actually had herpes antibodies floating around in her blood (likely from me since I get cold sores). This was a good thing. The most important thing was that she was not acting at all sick. Babies with herpes apparently become very ill. After discussing Vivian's situation with specialists at Children's Hospital, her doctor surprised us by letting us go home Wednesday as all signs pointed to no herpes infection. We would know Monday for certain when the cultures came back. The doctor was confident there was really nothing wrong.

We took Vivian home and nervously watched her until the next week rolled around. She was fine. She never acted sick (except for the little cold she caught from all of us). She ate well and gained weight. Monday and Tuesday passed with no word. On Wednesday I called her doctor and received some annoying (read infuriating) news. Somehow the culture of the blisters had never been sent. Later we found out that the nurse on the floor had accidentally forgotten to enter the order for it to be sent out. Woops. Now we will never know for 100% certain that it wasn't herpes. But if it was, Vivian would be very ill or dead by now, so we are as close to 100% sure as possible.

I feel guilty for how Bennett must have felt during this whole ordeal. He had his grandma's and his papa, but he must have felt like we abandoned him twice in one week.

I did not know exactly how serious a herpes infection in a newborn could be. I avoided any internet doctoring until after Vivian came home. Google it yourself if interested...it is really scary. These kinds of infections have serious consequences from mental retardation to death, often regardless of treatment. So, it made sense that Vivian's doctor would treat if there was even a remote possibility of a herpes infection. But Jesus, can our babies catch a break??

Vivian's Birth Story

2010-11-19T15:56:00.002-07:00

Vivian’s birth story is mellow compared to her brother’s. I was hoping to go into labor naturally, and since I was dilated to 4+ since 37 weeks or so it seemed like a realistic goal. I also knew that if anything was looking like it might go a little weird, I would go for an induction. At my 38 week appointment my BP’s were trending a bit higher and my doctor wanted to see me five days later rather than seven. I ended up in Labor and Delivery that Friday due to some sudden swelling and a BP of 156/87 on a grocery store BP machine. Although it was not that high in L&D, my numbers remained in the 135/80 range which is significantly higher than my baseline 110/60. I had a feeling my doctor would be talking induction at my Monday appointment. My BP’s remained at the higher level and he did recommend that we call it quits before things possibly got scary again. The last thing anyone wanted was for me or Vivian to get sick when we were already in such a great place. So we agreed on an induction Thursday October 28th. Bernie and I decided to try to get me into active labor before then with no success. Hot hot wings and a drive up in high elevation did not work for me.

We went into the hospital at a little after 8 am on the 28th after a short delay. I was group strep B positive so the first thing they did was run antibiotics for four hours in preparation for the induction. Bernie and I sat around, relaxed as much as possible, and waited. We actually had all of our bags packed this time so we had many things to do to keep ourselves entertained. I had my own music to listen to! I had the best nurse during that day. Her name was Char and she was probably 60 years old. She had many years of experience and had probably worked at that hospital longer than I have been alive. It was awesome to have someone who had so many hints and insights into the whole process. When I first came in and told her that I hoped to go through labor without the epidural, she was totally on board and tried to help me get through it. When I changed my mind later, she was just as understanding and supportive.

My doctor finally came in to break my water at 12:45pm. Within thirty minutes my contractions were coming quickly and feeling very intense. I had a pitocin induction with Bennett and did not need it with Vivian (so so so happy about that). The quality of the contractions were very different for me. With Bennett, they felt like knives stabbing over and over again. This time they felt like enormous and painful pressure in my pelvis. I think I basically went into transition almost right away. There was really no build-up since I was already so far dilated. The contractions felt like they never really stopped. By 2pm, I was 6 cm and asked for the epidural. I got that within 30 minutes and things of course eased up after that. In fact, I thought the epidural had slowed the labor because the contractions did not seem to register as very intense on the monitor. When the nurse checked me just after 3pm, I was prepared to hear that I hadn’t made any progress and would need pitocin. I was amazed to hear that I was already at 9cm. We were likely complete by 4pm. My nurse suggested that since we had the epidural, we just let the contractions naturally start the pushing process. So that’s what we did until 5:15 when I started pushing.

The epidural was just as good as the one I had with Bennett. I could feel pressure when I had a contraction and so knew when to push. I could lift and feel my legs still but had no very little to no pain. It did take what seemed like forever but was actually 1.5 hours. My doctor, predictably, did not come in until the very last moment. I think I only pushed twice and she as out. The strangest thing happened near the end. Vivian was actually moving around while I pushed. You could see her kick. It’s hard to describe, but she was definitely living up to the “lively” meaning of her name. She came out yelling and didn’t stop for about two hours after she was born. 7 lbs. 10 oz. and inches...born at 39 weeks 1 day. She weighted over twice as much as Bennett and was 4 inches longer.

This birth experience was obviously so different for everyone involved. It helped resolve some of the lingering feelings I have had since Bennett was born. I didn’t feel cheated, sick, and scared for my baby’s life. I felt educated and much more in control. I felt like my body wasn’t a total failure. And I got to hold my baby after birth, and nurse her, and keep her in the room with us. It was awesome. That’s really the only word that fits.

I never had any protein on my urine dipsticks, no upper right quadrant pain, and officially no preeclampsia. If some of BP readings were correct, I had gestational hypertension at the end. I don’t think there will be an official diagnosis in my medical records.

With all of that said, the answer to the ever-popular “will you have more” question is an unequivocal no. This pregnancy was nerve-racking in a way that I could never fully describe. I lived most of my days in a perpetual state of anxiety that I don’t think I could deal with again. Bernie was wonderful throughout, but I’m sure all of that fear and anxiety wasn’t easy on him (or Bennett for that matter). So we will be happy for what we have and move on to the next stage of our lives...watching our children grow up.

Things have been eventful since we brought Vivian home, but that's a post of another day. And I don't know when that day will be since things a little crazy around here with two kids. I will try to get another post up before Bernie goes back to work next Wednesday night.

Tomorrow we will have a baby

2010-10-27T20:43:00.002-06:00

Or maybe it will be Friday depending on how things go. I haven't been able to update the past few days because my computer's graphics card was broken and we had to send it away to be fixed. Apple was very accommodating and fixed it for free even though we were eight days out of our three year warranty. I would have been pissed if they didn't fix it.

Anyway, back to the important things. A baby. Tomorrow. That is such a weird concept to grasp. I was really hoping to wait for things to start up on their own, but my blood pressure is not cooperating. It's not that bad at this point, but these things can turn really bad and I don't want to go through being so sick again. Last Wednesday it was 92 on the bottom. Then on my birthday night we went to labor and delivery because I suddenly swelled up like crazy (likely the salty food I ate) and my BP was 156/87 on the grocery store machine. While I was in L&D, my bottom numbers were in the mid to high 80's and top numbers in the 130's. A diagnosis of pregnancy-induced hypertension is made with two BP's of over 140 or 90 taken at least six hours apart. So, I'm not officially there, but my doctor advised us not to take any chances and we definitely agree. Preeclampsia is not the word at the moment because all of my urine dips are clear as were my labs on Saturday. As of Monday, I am 4 1/2 cm and 80% effaced, so hopefully all that will have to be done is breaking my water. Think non-pitocin related thoughts for us!

Oh, and my group strep B was positive, so I will have to deal with the antibiotics. Woo.

I am so happy to be at this point. And very nervous about tomorrow. We will be updating Facebook with the news. She's estimated at 8 lbs!

38 Weeks!

2010-10-20T14:17:00.002-06:00

Our 38 week appointment was this morning. 4 cm dilated and 70% effaced. My OB said it was amazing that I could walk around like that. I have episodes of "could this be it" on a daily basis before the contractions stop again. It seems that he expects me to go into real labor soon, but had me make an appointment for Monday just in case. I'm sure he will talk induction at that point. I am really hoping to avoid any induction. We'll see how I'm feeling Monday though. It would be nice to make it to Friday since that's when Bernie's mom is flying in.

I'm feeling ready and a tad bit impatient. My bp was a little high (122/92) on fist check which is always worrying to me. It came down to 130/80 on a second check and my OB was fine with that.

I have been cleaning/organizing like crazy and have most of the items on my list checked off. Bernie is off for four days after today and has one more set of shifts before he starts his official baby-leave. Of course, he will start it sooner if Vivian decides to make her appearance before then.

I find that I don't have anything else to say at the moment. Hope everyone is well and maybe we will be introducing Vivian in the next post!

36 weeks!

2010-10-07T14:14:00.002-06:00

That was yesterday, so technically we are past that mark. I had two doctor's appointments this week. On Tuesday I saw my specialist for the final ultrasound. Vivian is a big girl! She is tipping the scales at 6 lbs 3 oz already and everything looked great. Dr. even called me a normal pregnant person. The birth discussion with my OB was yesterday. We discussed all the exciting possible delivery scenarios as expected. I left feeling reassured, 3 cm dilated, and 50% effaced. Anyone want to take a guess on the birth date??? It might keep me a bit more occupied during this final countdown to keep track of the guesses.

Now I just need to get to work on the birth plan. Full term coming up next Wednesday!

There was a trip to L&D last week due to some higher BP readings at the grocery store. They kept me an hour and all was fine. Normal BP and no protein in my urine. My BP's were nice and low at both doctor's appointments this week.

I have started getting some meals together for after the birth. OK, so I made one 5+ lb turkey meatloaf that is frozen into three meals. But I have plans for more! Hopefully a very large pan of lasagna will get made this weekend. Any other ideas for easily frozen meals? The mom's group I am a member of is also going to help out with five meals after Vivian arrives. It's really awesome to be part of a group that is so willing to help out other families.

I am in the process of helping to plan a Promise Walk for Preeclampsia for 2011 in Denver. I have made an amazing number of connections to area PE survivors and we have big plans. It will be the first walk in Colorado, so definitely a learning process. We are in the process of finding a location and sponsors. If anyone around here has any advice for me or would like to walk with us, please let me know!

Bernie is up at the lake today getting one last fishing trip in. He tells me he caught 6 or so. If anyone wants them, I will secretly give them to you so they don't take up space in my freezer. I'm sure pheasant will be coming down when Big Bernie comes. Yuck. Seriously, I will leave our door unlocked if anyone wants to come and steal it.

Just kidding Bernie. I can't wait to try some pheasant stew, or pheasant fajitas, or maybe a little breaded and fried pheasant.

Cute things Bennett has done recently:

He's finally blowing bubbles in the bath water. We have been showing him this at the pool for some time, including during swim lessons. He loves to blow the bubbles first and then drink as much of the bath water as possible.

He smells "stinky socks." He'll pick up socks, give them a little sniff, and pretend that they smell bad.

He says "mmmm" when he sees us eating something. He usually doesn't want any, but instead enthusiastically agrees that it must be good.

He refuses the park sometimes. I'm not sure if this is cute, but it is totally Bennett. There have been two instances in the past two weeks where we pull up and he simply refuses to go. I guess we are asserting our right to make decisions!

Sorry if this post is scattered...that's basically how my mind is working right now.

Less than 40 days!

2010-09-26T20:58:00.002-06:00

We are under the 40 day mark until Vivian's due date. I'm feeling good about at least 35 weeks at this point. Last Monday I had an OB check and was already 1 1/2-2 cm dilated and 50% effaced. My doctor wasn't too concerned and told me that early dilation can be common in second pregnancies. They won't stop labor after 34 weeks anyway, so we'll just have to wait and see what Vivian has planned. I have tons of Braxton Hicks contractions but they don't seem to be progressing much at this point. I am holding out for full-term dang it!

I can see how this last month drags for a lot of women. There are so many things I want to get done, but I'm so anxious to meet her as well. At least my body is being more cooperative at this point. She has settled into a center head-down position so my hip is feeling mostly normal. I have some swelling in my calves. It's nothing anyone else would notice, but if I press a finger into my skin, a dent stays there for 30 seconds or more. It's a bit strange. Sleeping more than an hour or two at a time has become an issue, but I just assume that's my body preparing me for what is to come. No real complaints at this point.

My mom left today after a five day visit. It was mostly uneventful. Bennett really seems to love her. He calls her his "ga" which is very cute. We spent a lot of time in Boulder at the farmer's market while she fawned over the variety of organic/natural products available. We took Bennett to the pool and the Sunflower Farm. For extra fun, he decided to poop in the pool, which was lovely to say the least.

So, we will keep chugging along. Sorry to be so boring...my brain isn't working well at the moment.

September

2010-09-12T13:33:00.003-06:00

Fall is upon us again. It's my favorite time of the year. Right now the daytime temps are still a bit warm for me (mid 80's), but in just a few short weeks the perfect weather will arrive. And the light will look like fall and all will be well.

Our garden veggies are mostly ready. We did OK this year. Only one tomato plant survived out of three, but really one is enough for our needs. We'll have lots of carrots, red/green/yellow peppers, and about 10 onions. We pulled our broccoli and brussels sprout plants because they were overtaken by bugs. We learned more and will hopefully have better luck next year.

My mom's ticket finally went through so she will be coming on September 21st and leaving on the 26th. She is excited to see Bennett but already complaining about the stress of traveling, leaving her house, job, etc. I hope she can have some fun when she gets here. I'll at least take her to the Boulder Farmer's market. She should enjoy that along with lunch at one of their organic/all natural eateries. She should move there, it's her kind of place food-wise.

I don't know if I have complained here about Bennett's picky eating habits. He can be very difficult when it comes to eating a variety of food and trying new things. But things have been slowly improving. He actually fed himself a whole cup of applesauce today with a spoon. Success on multiple levels! He usually ignores utensils and won't eat things the consistency of applesauce. He is also eating most meat (as long as there is BBQ sauce or ketchup) and is back to eating a wide variety of fruit. I'm hoping we can graduate to eating some kind of pasta soon, because seriously, what kid doesn't eat spaghetti and mac n cheese? I'm not holding out for veggies any time soon.

He absolutely wore me out at the park today by insisting on walking 1/4 of a mile one direction. That was all fine until he refused to walk back and screamed the entire way while I carried him. Me carrying Bennett right now is difficult. I think we will avoid that park in the future.

My hip is feeling better most days. I think she moved her little head elsewhere and I am noticing the relief. The PT and time in the pool help as well. I wish I could spend the rest of the pregnancy walking in the pool. I had an OB appointment on Wednesday where my BP was 132/72. This was a higher office reading for me so he ran blood work. All is clear at the moment. My liver is not going to explode imminently anyway. I have noticed that my BP is higher (about the same as the MD office) in the grocery stores most of the time now. So I will keep a close eye on that.

I have been getting my nesting things slowly accomplished. Bennett has someone to come and watch him if Vivian comes before Bernie's mom comes on October 22nd (thanks Michaela!). I got his box of stuff ready with some new books, puzzles, his blanket, clothes, snacks, etc. so she will be ready to go. My bag for the hospital is about half packed and I am very slowly getting the cleaning and organizing done. I am going to try and wait until the end of September to wash and organize all of her clothes, but we'll see if I can be patient.

Our very last growth scan is the first week in October. We are on every two week visits to the OB right now which will go weekly also in October's first week. It feels like we are getting closer!

I think we will check out the Sunflower Farm on one of Bernie's off days this week. It sounds like fun:

http://www.sunflowerfarminfo.com/kids_farmfest.htm

Fat Baby

2010-08-31T20:41:00.002-06:00

Vivian now weighs the same as Bennett did when he was delivered at 31 weeks 2 days...3 lbs. 7 oz. I wasn't expecting her to be that big yet, so the news was comforting. Everything measures right on. Our milestone day is Friday. That has been the big goal for me this pregnancy. On Saturday I will officially be more pregnant than I have ever been. My anxiety levels have been falling as we are approaching that day. I'm excited to experience the next 6 weeks (at least).

However, I am feeling the pain. About a week ago I started having low back and hip pain. It shoots down my left side and sometimes leaves my unable to put weight on my left leg or walk. I'm sure I look funny scooting around on my rear end. I'm 99% sure that it is sciatic pain from Vivian's head being firmly entrenched in the bottom left of my uterus, digging into my hip. It was so low that the tech had trouble getting a head measurement. I am hoping she will move sometime very very soon. I am doing PT and might try a support belt. It has also been helping today to gently prod where I know her head is. She seems to float up for a bit before settling back down in my hip. I'm only 31 weeks...they still flip around at this point don't they? It's crazy difficult to keep up with Bennett, normal chores, and all the nesting I want to do with the pain.

My gestational diabetes screen came back borderline. My OB gave me the choice of doing the 3 hour test or not and I of course I did it. I wouldn't have been able to stand thinking it was a possibility. The 3 hour test came back just fine so I don't have to worry about it anymore. The original one was probably a bit high because I eat too much cereal in the morning.

We have been officially guestless for a week now. It's strange. Bennett took a day or two to adjust to not having Ava around. He misses all of her kisses.

My mom might be coming down later in the month. We have a voucher for a free flight after being bumped last spring. I don't think we will get to use it, so I offered it to her. The process is a bit more complex than I had hoped. We actually have to go down to the airport and have the voucher transferred to her name and then send it to her in the mail. And the reservation has to be made 14 days in advance. So I'm not sure how it will all work out because she doesn't want to come too close to when Vivian is due because she is going to be coming right back down. So we will see. It would be nice to have the help with Bennett so hopefully we can figure something out.

Our booth for the Preeclampsia Foundation was successful in some ways and a bit of a failure in others. I made some really great connections to a group of ladies who have dealt with the same trauma I have. We are fired up to get together and plan future events for the PF. On the other hand, it seems that we were duped. I was told that then event would draw 15,000-20,000 attendees. I think 2,000 was pushing it. It was disappointing to say the least that didn't get the word out more. But there will be other events and now we are connected.

2010-08-19T21:08:00.002-06:00

We are reaching the end of our stream of guests. I had lots of fun with my cousins and aunts. The baseball game was an especially good time even though I had to refrain from drinking the beer that looked so good. I hope the Fagg ladies can make it back down sometime...three days is not nearly enough to see all there is to see.

Bernie's parents were here for about four days. They drove from North Dakota but didn't feel like they could stay long because big Bernie has a huge vegetable garden he can't leave for long this time of year. We took a little tour of Golden. The boys went to the Coors brewery, Jackie went to a quilt museum she had been wanting to see, and Bennett and I played at the park. We also did our fair share of shopping which is normal for Jackie and I.

The Ritchie's are in the midst of their stay right now. We went to the splash park for a bit yesterday, but the hundred degree heat made our stay short. Today Kristen had a job interview. Phil and I took the kids to huge park in Denver and we ate some Boston Market. The kiddos are having the most fun just playing around in the backyard I think. Bennett is showing a bit more aggression than I am used to seeing in him. He will walk up to Ava and try to pinch or shove her. He also pulls my hair and pinches me when he's mad Hopefully we can solve this before it becomes more of an issue.

Tomorrow Kristen and I are spoiling ourselves with pedicures and massages. We've also got plans for Boulder and Ft. Collins at some point. Busy time!

And lastly, I am trying to get ready for the baby expo next week. I think it is all going to come together soon. I'm very excited about it.

We hit 29 weeks yesterday! I am optimistic about making it to September 3rd which is the same gestation Bennett was born at. Beyond that will just be awesome bonus time in my eyes.

2010-08-03T21:53:00.002-06:00

Quick update on our appointment today: Vivian is 2 lbs 1 oz and overall in the 44th percentile. Her head was normal sized this time around. Woo hoo! Fluid and placenta look good so far. The third trimester is only a week away.

They're coming!

2010-07-29T21:08:00.003-06:00

The people, they are coming. And I am getting very excited. The Fagg ladies will be here on Tuesday to start the madness. We don't have any big plans except a baseball game. I'm sure we will eat and gab like we normally do.

August is going to be a busy month all around. It makes me happy because the time will pass by quickly. I really really want to get through August without any pregnancy-related drama. September 3rd will be the same point this time around that I delivered Bennett last time. That's the medium-term goal at the moment. My short-term goal is 28 weeks and at least 2 lbs. Stats for survival and disability start to improve drastically at that point. We have another growth scan on Tuesday. Think fat baby and normal-sized head thoughts for us!

I am having the same back pain as I did with Bennett. Not the HELLP pain, but the pain around my left bra strap. It makes me so crazy some days. My doctor thinks it is a pinched nerve and I tend to agree because in actually radiates numbness all around to my ribcage sometimes. I have invested in a body pillow which helps at night. A little bit of pre-natal yoga helps me relax a bit as well. And my mood is so variable from moment to moment. I feel terrible for Bernie some days because I can be a real drag. Ok, that's enough pregnancy complaining for one day. Unless Bernie wants to chime with some complaints of his own of course.

Bennett started his swimming lessons this week. We go twice for a half an hour each time. They are really affordable lessons offered by the city. He's obviously not old enough for extremely structured teaching, but they are fun. Bernie has been able to come the past two times so it's a family effort. We mostly sing and play which is perfect for a 20 month old.

I can't think of anything else very exciting. I will update Tuesday after our growth scan.

A Name, Sleep, and Summer

2010-07-15T13:51:00.002-06:00

Today is our anniversary. We have been married for four years which seems a bit crazy. Our lives have changed enormously over that time, all for the better. I love you Bernie!

We got a babysitter last night to go out for dinner and after-dinner drinks and dessert. We decided to come back between the two events to put Bennett to bed since we figured our sitter would be unable to calm him down. Poor Bennett was very sad when we left and was difficult to comfort for the 1.5 hours we were gone. When he heard the garage door open when we came home he had a total meltdown. Big crocodile tears break Mom's heart. We cuddled with him, read a couple of books, and put him down for bed before going back out. We had a nice time out together and Bennett did not wake up to find us gone again.

To continue on the tangent of sleep, Bennett has been a champion lately. He goes to sleep at around 8:30 and I usually have to wake him up at 9am. Then he naps for 1.5-3 hours in the afternoon. I know it won't last long so I am enjoying it for the moment. He must be having a growth spurt or something. I'm sure we are in for early wake-ups again soon.

While we were out last night, we finally decided on a name. Baby girl will be Vivian Patricia. Her name means "full of life" and "vibrant" which is exactly how I feel about her. And of course Patricia is after my grandma, which was going to be her middle name no matter what.

I am finally getting to put in some volunteer time with the Preeclampsia Foundation. There is a baby expo coming up in Denver at the end of August and I am coordinating a PF booth for it. I have a few volunteers already and am hoping to start the grant process soon. It will be a great end to a very exciting month around here. The Fagg's are here the first week, Bernie's parents have decided to come the second week, and Kristen and co. will be here the third week. I should probably take advantage of some serious relaxation time before all the madness begins.

We are in the midst of some very hot days around here. Most of them are 90+ and show no signs of letting up any time soon. It's often too hot for me to go out after 10am or so. I'm glad Bernie has been taking Bennett running again lately so he has some time outside and in the park. When he goes out with me, it's to somewhere with good air conditioning!

Home Sweet Home

2010-07-09T21:23:00.002-06:00

We got back from our vacation a couple of days ago. It was fun and also long. I was ready to get back home by the end. We spent 8 days in each state along with the drives. On the way to Great Falls, things went pretty well. But then Bennett got a cold and as a result the drive to North Dakota was rough on everyone. Poor boy ran a fever of 104+ the day before we left. The trip home was not bad, but I am ready to be done traveling for awhile. I will be happy if we stay in the area for some time to come. The DVD player was the key to some peace on the drives. Bennett loves his Gabba Gabba.

Bennett loved being with he grandparents and reveled in the attention. Grandma Ladawna gives him the run of the house and says no to very very little. We spent time with my family and of course all of my friends while in Great Falls. Seeing Sara and Mel's kids was a definite highlight. I can't believe how much all of us have grown up. I got to spend extra time with Amy and her family up in Seeley Lake where they have a cabin. My aunt Kathy watched Bennett while I spend 6 heavenly hours in Missoula. Oh how I miss that place. I keep telling Bernie that if a job opens up there, we must apply. North Dakota was also a good time. It was 100 degrees a couple of days, which is a bit much for me. Bennett went to the zoo and Bernie and I got to go on a really fun pontoon ride on the Missouri with some of Bernie's longtime friends. The only way it could have been better is if I was able to have more than a couple of sips of beer. The 4th of July was a noisy affair in Mandan. They allow basically all fireworks to be fired off within the city limits and Bismarck does not. So everyone comes over and shoots them off for most of the night. Luckily we had a good noise maker for Bennett. I don't know why, but fireworks do not interest me at all. If fact, I don't really like them. Party pooper.

My dad is how one would expect. We have been talking about a possible move to the former Downtowner for about a year now. It's a subsidized apartment building in Great Falls that serves meals. It's not an assisted living, but at least there would be people around and have food available. He was interested until I asked to take him on a tour. Then he told me he had changed his mind. His new plan is to travel around to all of the different relatives homes (his dad, me, his siblings) and stay for a couple of months before moving on. This from the man who couldn't deal with changing grocery shopping time from morning to afternoon. If that was too much a change in routine, I'm not sure how he will deal with that much constant change. And what about everyone else? My dad in the house with two young children? Blah. It wouldn't work anyway because you have to climb stairs to do anything here (maybe I did that subconsciously). I didn't have the guts to tell him at the time, but I wouldn't be able to stand having him in my house long-term. Piles of bibles everywhere.
He's probably a year or less away from a wheelchair, so reality is just around the corner

Our 23 week growth scan was the day after we got home. Baby girl weighed in at 1 lb. 3 oz. Her abdomen, arm, and leg were measuring right on, but her head was measuring 2 weeks behind (in the 2nd percentile). My MFM wasn't worried and thought it might be the position she was in. Or it might be that she just has a small head. Or it might be an ultrasound error and next time everything will be normal. I can't help but worry though. So now it's over three weeks until the next ultrasound. We are discussing names but haven't come up with anything yet.

Bernie's mom was planning to come down if and when Bernie goes on a fire this summer. Sometimes he goes out for 2 weeks at a time and I would want/need the help. But it doesn't look good for fires any time soon. I think she's going to come down this month anyway. She is bringing some fun outdoor toys for Bennett including the Flintstones car he liked. Visitors galore!

2010-06-15T21:46:00.002-06:00

We only have two more days left until our big triangle vacation. We are spending an extra few days in Great Falls to take a little side trip to Seeley Lake and Missoula. My aunt and her family (including my cousin Amy) have a cabin in Seeley where they basically live now. It's been years since I have been up there. And how I miss Missoula! I can't wait to just check out the town again for a day. It will be a busy trip as it usually is...many people to see in both places. I am nervous about how Bennett is going to do on the trip. We got a DVD player so there would be something else to entertain him in the car seat. I don't love sticking him in front of the TV, but 11-12 hours is a long time to be in the car.

Yo Gabba Gabba is coming to town in November. I will either be with a newborn or extremely pregnant, so I don't think I will be able to go. But I really want Bennett to go. I will have to continue to try and convince Bernie to take him. Kristen made it seem like a good show. And Bennett should be at about the right age to enjoy it.

Speaking of Kristen, she, Phil, and Ava are visiting in August. I can't wait! Visitors are my favorite. I will have to start putting together a list of things to do. Summer in Colorado is very nice and there are endless activities, so many that we haven't even started to do them all. I think breweries/wineries will have to be on the list.

Bernie and I are in the midst of discussing names. It was easy with Bennett because we already knew what we would name a boy before we even got married. Girl names are much more difficult. I have a long list of names I like and I'm not sure if Bernie likes any of them. I am still waiting on him for his list...

We hit 20 weeks tomorrow. It's hard to believe we are already halfway to a 40 week due date. I would be ecstatic to get within four weeks of that. There are big milestones to get through first. Four more weeks to "viability," 28 weeks for a 2 lb baby, 31 weeks when Bennett was born, 34 weeks for decent lung maturity, etc. I just need to breathe and take every day by itself. My anxiety level is high and affects my mood. Sometimes I wake up in a panic in the middle of the night. But there are no symptoms yet and I am trying to stay positive. We will have another ultrasound the first week in July, which will hopefully it will be reassuring.

I got a bit of stress relief last night. I had a mom's night out with some of my mom friends here. We went to dinner and a movie and had a lot of fun. It was nice to get out with a group of women without our children for an evening.

Three Updates!

2010-05-30T13:57:00.002-06:00

It's been awhile since I did three personal updates in one month. No guarantees that it will ever happen again, but there is never anything too exciting going on around here.

The weather has finally been breaking 80 degrees consistently in the past week. We have had a few water adventures so far. First, we took Bennett on his first boat ride while Bernie was fishing. He hated the life jacket of course. It was quite bulky and probably would have pissed me off as well. He also wasn't too happy with the confined space, but really enjoyed the live well. That is a well on the boat where you keep the fish until you are someplace to clean them. There were no fish that day but Bennett got to splash the water all over. We also got him a water table and there is a small pool from last year. He played with the water table, but the dog seemed to like the pool a bit more. She laid in the cold water while Bennett watched and laughed.

There are a few parks in Longmont that have outdoor water features. They are some kind of fountain usually that kids can run around it, sort of like a giant sprinkler. He absolutely loved that, so I'm sure we will return many times. I think we will try one of the outdoor pools this Tuesday. There are pictures documenting all of our water fun on Flickr.

Our summer vacation is rapidly approaching. In less than three weeks we will brave the drive to Great Falls, stay for a week, drive to North Dakota, stay for another week, and then drive home again. We haven't done this since Bennett was less than a year old, so it will be interesting to see how he does. We recently turned his car seat to forward facing, so that should help. At least he can look at something other than the back seat.

Bennett's 18 month appointment was this past week. Weight: 25 lbs 14 oz. Height: 32 inches. He's right in the 50th percentile for both. He was not a fan of the doctor or nurse and screamed every time they came in the room.

It seems we have finally fully transitioned to one nap. It has been a long transition (3 months or more). I think what finally helped was the black out curtains. It's like nighttime in that room all day long. Bennett would usually get up between 6 and 6:30. Post-black out curtains he usually sleeps until between 8 and 9. Naps are 1.5-2.5 hours. This new schedule as freed up quite a bit of time that we can be out doing play dates, etc. Then a new baby will come and we'll start all over!

The ultrasound is in 5 days. The longest 5 days of my life. I will be sure to update Friday after the appointment.

2010-05-20T16:27:00.002-06:00

I got most of my planting done between yesterday and today. I cut back the flowers even more this year due to the toddler living in our house. He loves to scoop up the dirt and throw it on the ground. So I am only going to attempt one pot on the ground, a few hanging up, one on the back patio table, as well as the normal flower bed. I planted flowers in the bed the first year we were here, most of which were supposed to die. Well, I must have picked myself some mutant flowers because they are alive year-round and multiply every spring. They almost take up the entire bed now. They make me happy because they are so low maintenance. No dead-heading and they bloom all summer...my kind of flower. For veggies we planted 3 tomato plants, four bell peppers, one banana pepper, broccoli, brussel sprouts, carrots, and onions. I actually read the instructions this year and plated everything with the correct amount of space. Hopefully I won't have a repeat of last year when a good portion of our veggies didn't do well and I had heads of lettuce that were five feet tall. I will try to get some pictures up. Sorry about the boring gardening talk, but it is definitely a significant activity for us around here.

Heather came through last week. We ate lots of good food, talked, and laughed. Having guests is always one of my favorite things. Hopefully she and Garrett can stop back by sometime and stay for a bit. And yes, Heather, we did figure out that you went out the back gate. I was wide awake the entire time you were getting ready and didn't hear you open that gate! That's crazy since it's right outside our bedroom window. I'm glad the dog is sleeping outside now in case someone scary tries to open it. Sorry I didn't come down to help you!

Two more weeks until our big ultrasound. It still seems like forever, but hopefully the nicer weather we are having now with make time go by a bit faster. Baby is moving now. I can feel it most days. I also feel much bigger this time around. I guess what they say about showing faster the second time around is true. I've been wearing maternity clothes for 4 weeks now! Again, hopefully I will get some pictures up soon. We have yet to take any belly photos. I'll get Bernie on it this afternoon.

Bennett is almost 18 months old now. He is trying to communicate more, although actual words can be difficult to decipher. His new thing is to do the "I don't know" pose with the raised shoulders and palms in the air. He does it every time he hears a sound he doesn't know or when we ask him a question. Oh, and we can't forget about his new favorite activity. He like to sit on my lap, snuggle, and watch Days of our Lives (very child-appropriate, I know). My grandma would be so proud!

The waiting game

2010-05-08T14:16:00.003-06:00

I don't know what it is about this pregnancy, but I am OBSESSED with the gender. I really wanted to know with Bennett, but I don't remember being nearly as impatient as I am this time. We don't find out until June 4th, which still seems years away. I have spent my time over at the In-gender forums learning all about the "nub theory" and how to predict gender from the 12 week ultrasound. It's very interesting if anyone wants in checking it out. I'm trying not to get too invested in their guesses, but it's fun nonetheless. Boy or girl would be fine with us for different reasons. I think we will only have two, so both genders would be good. But I'm sure Bennett would rather have a brother. I just want to know damn it!

Heather is coming this week and had decided to stay two nights. Now we at least get to go out and do something while she is here instead of just eat and sleep. Some shopping on Pearl Street in Boulder might be in order.

I was going to get my veggies and flowers in this coming week, but Bernie predicts snow for us. Boo on that. We went to the Farmer's market and I bought a couple of plants anyway. I have to remember not to eat before we go next weekend so I can stuff myself full of yummy potstickers and other assorted goodies.

No news yet on the job Bernie applied for, but that's no surprise. I would expect we would hear if he has an interview or not this coming week. But this is the government we are talking about so who knows. I think he applied for the job hear in early April and we didn't find out he got it until the end of June.

The March of Dimes went well. Thanks again to everyone who donated! The weather was certainly shitty, but so very worth it.

Happy Mother's Day to all the mom's I know and love out there. I hope you all have a beautiful day.

Wills and the reason we do them

2010-04-21T20:56:00.002-06:00

Bernie and I finally took care of some very important documentation in our lives this evening. We attended a two hour class and in the process completed living wills, medical/financial POA's, and a real live will. So now we can apparently die in peace knowing that our affairs will be in order. It was pretty hypocritical that as an instructor of a gerontology course I harped on my students to get it done and I still hadn't. But it is done now and it feels good.

So, to the reasons we do these things. We have Bennett and things should be in order for him. He needs a guardian and trust. But he won't be the only one. This is a morbid sort of segway into the big announcement that most of you already know. Another baby is on the way, due November 3rd. We were aiming for about two years between them and that's about as close as you could get. It's a very exciting time but nerve-racking at the same time. We are hoping full-term this time. That's the long-term goal anyway. I think 32 weeks will be the first big milestone for me. I am seeing my OB here in Longmont for regular appointments and a specialist practice in Denver every four weeks for ultrasounds to check growth. PE and related placental issues can often be caught by keeping track of the growth. They will also likely check blood flow to the placenta as the pregnancy progresses.

We have already had three ultrasounds and I am 12 weeks today. The first was very early because I was spotting. The second was a viability scan. Yesterday I had the first trimester screen for Down Syndrome etc. Baby looked good, moving around, and perfectly normal neck fluid. The next one will be at 18 weeks when we do the big anatomy scan. We will be very familiar with this baby by the time he/she is born. I am taking baby aspirin every day and fish oil twice a day in addition to the regular prenatal vitamins. The ASA and fish oil may help delay PE in some cases.

I have mostly been feeling well. I had similar morning sickness that I did with Bennett for a couple of weeks. Now I just get the normal tiredness. Hopefully everything continues nice and normally.

Here are the latest ultrasound pics.

Green

2010-04-14T19:44:00.002-06:00

I'm finally starting to see it all around me. The grass and leaves are both showing the sure signs of spring. I don't know if I mentioned it, but I have flowers in my garden that have been alive for an entire year. Violas and Johnny Jump-ups can apparently stand very cold weather and snow. We have been getting the yard in order for the past week. Bernie is putting new trim around the front and I planted a few onions. We are planning to plant the rest of the veggies the first or second weekend in may. We are thinking tomatoes, broccoli, and green peppers. Corn was a dismal failure last year and squash takes up a ton of room. I'm not sure I want to deal with the huge plants even though squash muffins/bread is sounding pretty good to me right now. I'm going to take it easy with the flowers this year. Hanging baskets will likely be the extent of it because I just don't have the energy to keep up with too many of them. And Bennett will just pull them out of the ground or out of pots on the ground anyway.

Bennett's sleep has regulated again for the moment (knocks on wood). He is back to simply laying down and going to sleep without any fuss. He doesn't even seem to want to rock with me in the chair in the moment. I don't think he can get comfortable. And he's been sleeping through the night for multiple days now which feels awesome when I wake up in the morning. I keep wondering when he is going to transition to one nap. He is almost 17 months old, so I expect it soon.

We went to the park/lunch with a few of our mommy friends and their little ones. It's always fun to get out and about with other people we have something in common with. All the babies are between 11 and 17 months, so it is more parallel play than playing with each other. Someday soon that will change to taking toys from each other.

Bernie is applying for a job in Bismarck ND, where he is from. We are not really anxious to move at the moment like we were when he was bidding out in Great Falls. But we would really like to be near family and Bernie needs to get off of shift work eventually. So this job would accomplish both goals although the chances of him getting it are very slim. Our list of potential places is quite limited and includes Bismarck, Great Falls, and Phoenix. Maybe Missoula and Flagstaff, but we would have to discuss them more. So the location restriction combined with non-shift work positions really limit the jobs to apply for. We could be applying for many years and by that time may decide we don't want to move anyway!

Congrats to Eric and Lora Wingenbach (Bernie's friend from high school). They had their little boy this morning. We can't wait to meet baby Liam James.

A Month!

2010-03-30T19:46:00.002-06:00

I know, I'm a total slacker. My energy levels have been low lately and updating this blog unfortunately falls off the list.

Bennett and I spend the last week in Great Falls which was not the most enjoyable trip I have ever taken. My mother was of course crazy busy and rarely around. I guess I should have expected that since my Grandmother is out of town. Bernie was in Boise and I left the structure Bennett is used to at our house. He would not sleep in the pack and play that Mel nicely let us borrow and so he slept with me the entire time. It was nice cuddling with him, but I'm not used to such inturrupted sleep. He was all over the place kicking me in the head on the hour it seemed. Now we're having a hard time getting him back in the crib at home. Lesson learned.

We did have some fun, lest the world think I do nothing but complain. I got to spend time with Amy, Melanie, Gwendolyn, Heather, and Marlena. Gwendolyn is such a cute and happy baby. She smiled every time I looked at her. Bennett has too many choices in the world. I also got to eat all of the food I miss in Great Falls.

Heather is going to stop by and spend a night or two with us on her way down to Texas. We will definitely make a stop at the New Belgium Brewery in Ft. Collins for some fresh Fat Tire.

My dad's talking about moving into Park Manor before the end of the year as he doesn't think he can do another winter alone in the house. I hope he is serious about the move because it is becoming a need. He had to put his dog down recently because he couldn't take care of him anymore (and he was very old). So now he is really alone in the house. I plan to take him for a tour in June when we are there. And maybe get an application filled out...but that might be a bit optimistic.

We are all sick around here at the moment with a head cold. Let's hope to have those cleared up soon. It was 80 degrees already today and I hate to miss a nice day because I don't feel well.

Potty Training

2010-02-28T16:23:00.002-07:00

That should probably be in quotes because I don't think much training will be going on for some time. But, we are trying to get the potty introduced with Bennett. My feeling is the earlier he is familiar with it, the better. One of the mom's in the Meetup group I am in has a son that is a month younger than Bennett. They have consistently been putting him on the toilet since he was 7 months old and he has no problem going on it. She told me that they were really committed one day last week and put him on every 90 minutes. His diaper was dry all day.

I am not that into it at this point. I just want to get him used to the idea. He is already obsessed with the regular toilet. I got him his own a couple of weeks ago and have had him sit on it before baths. No pushing. I just set him down and he gets off when he wants (with lots of praise when he sits of course). He has been playing with it constantly and sitting on it for longer periods of time. Today I got him up from his nap and put him straight on it and voila! There was pee...a very exciting development.

Ok, I suppose that is enough potty talk for one day. Happy Sunday.

There are flowers coming up in my garden

2010-02-26T20:21:00.002-07:00

And that excites me very much. In reality there have been flowers somehow surviving out there for an entire year but now the lilies are coming up. It's a sure sign of spring. Hopefully I plan the veggies a little better this year. Last year there was too much planted in the plot and we had lettuce heads that were over 5 feet tall.

Mr. Bennett has been a very busy bee lately. He's walking all over the place and getting into trouble at every turn. Last night he ran straight for the TV and fell face first into the glass shelf on the entertainment center. He hit his head harder than he ever has before. There was a bleeding gash and it swelled up badly. Bernie was at work so I decided to take him to the immediate care. There was nothing wrong, but I don't think I would have slept wondering if he had a concussion or something. I'm sure it was the first of many many injuries. Mommy is just not ready for all of that.

Bernie is going to Boise at the end of March. I decided I didn't want to hang out alone for the week so I am taking Bennett up to Great Falls for a visit. I'm sort of looking forward to it. My mom is going to be very busy working and I don't want to be stranded at her house so I am in the process of trying to find a car to borrow. I hope to get more excited as the trip approaches.

I got my money back for the bootleg Beatles box set. The company never game me my money back but Amazon did. So consider this an official recommendation to do business with them. They treated me well and did the right thing.

Thank you goes out to Kristen and her sister Jaren for their contributions to the March for Dimes. Your generosity is amazing and very much appreciated.

Myles

2010-02-14T14:17:00.002-07:00

Myles was the first preemie I "met" after we brought Bennett home. For the first month or so after he was born, I couldn't face any information about PE or preemies. It was so hard. But then I found Myles and his family and I started to realize how lucky we had been. Myles was born at 26 weeks due to preeclampsia. He lived for over three weeks. His parents faced many reproductive challenges including IVF and multiple misscarriages. They finally decided to pursue surrogacy and recently became parents to two beautiful twin boys, Liam and Silas. They were also preemies, born at about 34 weeks I believe. They are doing well and got to come home on Friday. Now Myles has two little brothers to watch over.

His story is included in a video on the sidebar. Make sure you have some tissues handy.

http://www.myjourneytomylesandbeyond.blogspot.com/

Courage after a loss

2010-02-13T12:16:00.002-07:00

Many of the families I follow have lost a baby. Some of them try again while others do not. What they all have in common is the fear of going through it again, especially if they have had preeclampsia. The risks includes the mother as well as the baby. Jamie is a woman who is facing the risks again. She and her husband lost their baby boy Vincent at 22 weeks due to preeclampsia. They decided to try again and are currently 30 weeks pregnant with a second little boy. Jamie has been fighting the beginning symptoms of PE as well as gestational diabetes for a number of weeks now. She was again admitted to the hospital last night with likely PE. The doctors are hoping they can hold out a few more weeks, but must carefully balance Jamie's health as well as the baby's. Please send her some good vibes.

http://definingme-ramblingsofaneurotic.blogspot.com/

Tomorrow will be the final post on the subject of premature birth. You should check it out because you will meet the bravest family I have ever seen. Their story is the fist one I came across after Bennett and I return again and again to silently cheer them on.

Another Perspective

2010-02-12T10:50:00.003-07:00

Preemies, especially micro-preemies present ethical issues to parents as well as the medical community. Babies born before 23 weeks have virtually zero chance of survival and those born between 23-26 weeks have low survival rates. Disability rates for all preemies is higher, but very high with babies born so early. There are questions surrounding too much intervention and the pain which these babies go through in order to survive. Some people are also concerned about the cost of these medically complicated babies. If Bennett's hospital stay (relatively uncomplicated) of 32 days cost almost $400,000, imagine the cost for a much smaller baby who needs many medical interventions and stays 100 days or more. It is uncomfortable to think of these issues, they cause dissonance in my own brain. I'm not sure where I stand on resuscitation before a certain number of weeks. Where do you draw the line? How much do these babies suffer? What would I do if faced with that situation? The answers are unclear for me.

The Preemie Experiment was created to educate the world about the long-term effects of prematurity. The posts are written by a woman who has two preemies (25 weeker and 34 weeker). She tackles these complicated ethical issues, although answers are difficult to come by. The comments on some of the posts are quite heated. I uncomfortably visit this site to learn from this experienced community and clarify my own values.

http://thepreemieexperiment.blogspot.com/

Loss

2010-02-11T12:38:00.002-07:00

There are a number of blogs that I am following right now that feature brave families who have lost a baby after a premature birth. That all of these families lost their babies as a result of preeclampsia just shows my biased point of view. Premature births happen for many reasons and often the reason cannot be pinned down. A woman goes into labor early, it can't be stopped, and a preemie is born.

Ashley and her husband Chris had their son Nolan very early, 26 weeks I believe (forgive me Ashley, if I am wrong) due to preeclampsia. He fought a brave battle, but ultimately lost. If you have the time, check out his video on her sidebar and meet little Nolan.

http://rubybaby09.blogspot.com/

Featured Preemie

2010-02-10T11:08:00.004-07:00

To coincide with our plan to walk the March of Dimes this year, I decided to post a daily feature for the next few days. One of the activities that occupies my time is following blogs of families with preemies. I came across most of these through my involvement with the Preeclampsia Foundation. Just in case you have never known someone who has experienced a premature birth, these blogs might give you a bit more insight and empathy into the world of these special families.

Fair warning: not all of these blogs are "happy endings." Premature babies don't always survive and those that do often have significant disabilities.

Today's blog is definitely about survival and meeting the challenges that come along with having not one, but two micro-preemies (usually defined as born before 29 weeks gestation and weighing less than 3 lbs, although the definition varies). Eden and Holland are miraculous. Meet them and their amazing family here:

http://micropreemietwins.blogspot.com/

March of Dimes

2010-02-09T20:20:00.002-07:00

We have decided to walk for the March of Dimes. The reasons are surely obvious, but just in case someone missed it, Bennett was born at 31 weeks. I never even considered the possibility of a preemie until it happened to us. Spending 32 days in the NICU watching those tiny babies struggle was a life-changing experience. We were the lucky ones and I will never forget that. The March of Dimes supports families who face pre-term birth as well as the babies themselves.

So, if you have it in your budget (because I know you all have it in your hearts), please consider donating through the widget on my sidebar.

Stuff and stuff

2010-02-02T12:33:00.002-07:00

First off, my exciting news for the day. I recently filled out an application to be a volunteer with the Preeclampsia Foundation. I got a mass email requesting people to edit stories, web content, etc and replied that I would love to help. Instead, they asked me if I wanted a larger role. I am now the baby fair coordinator for the region (CO, WY, ND, SD, MT, NB, and two Canadian provinces). The position is totally volunteer and involves working with PE survivors in those regions to get Foundation booths at local baby fairs to raise awareness. I may be able to run some myself in this area. I am so excited about this. I haven't volunteered since Eula died and this is the perfect opportunity to contribute to an organization that has done so much for me.

I don't know if I mentioned that I ordered the new Beatles box set. I got it from a third-party seller on Amazon for a really good price. The shipping was a mess and it was over a month before it arrived. I finally got it when we arrived home from Phoenix and started putting burning the songs onto my computer yesterday. I was suspicious of it from when I first took the plastic off and started taking the CD's out. It just seemed strange. Then I got to The White Album and discovered that there was only one CD (supposed to be a double). I got to looking closer and there were some CD's with unreadable track listings and even some typos (eg: Yellow Submarine was spelled "yillow"). I've been had with a bootleg copy of the box set. But it looks like either the company or Amazon will be refunding my money, but what a waste of time and energy. I'm going to take my 33% off coupon and buy it at Border's instead.

Bennett is in some sort of nap transition period. His morning nap was getting shorter and shorter, so we decided to try one nap yesterday. He only slept for an hour and a half but generally seemed fine with that. But then he woke up early this morning and was definitely ready to go down by 10am. I just put him down again because bedtime is too far away for such an early nap. So, we will take it day-by-day for now and see how it goes. I have a feeling it will be one nap one day and two the next for a bit.

I forgot to mention that my cousin Russell died before we went to Phoenix. He had had drug problems since he was a teenager and died of a methadone overdose. He left behind an 11 year old son. Sounds eerily like Marlena's ex Tad. I didn't make it to the funeral, but my mom did. That was the reason she ended up not being able to make it to Phoenix. It is such a terrible tragedy.

I'm slow with the updates

2010-01-25T20:31:00.003-07:00

Our trip to Phoenix was a mixed bag. The weather was nice and warm the first couple of days and we were even able to get a game of golf in. That made me happy. I haven't played since before Bennett was born. Needless to say, there were little white balls flying in every direction but the one I was aiming for. We got to spend a lot of time with the in-laws, etc. It's always fun to watch Bennett with his cousins. The first thing Grant did was throw a ball full blast at Bennett's head. It took him a couple of days for him to warm back up after that.

Unfortunately the fun did not last. Last Sunday, Bennett started throwing up and didn't stop for three hours of so. It was the most pitiful sight I've ever seen, his pale little body just passed out and puking every once in awhile. He got better Sunday night and then I started Monday morning. I spent the entire day in my sister-in-law's basement in general misery. Bernie got his turn Tuesday and we came home Wednesday. Oh what fun! And it rained those days. It never rains in Phoenix. I guess we just weren't meant to have the greatest trip. Hopefully it will go better when we get back.

Bennett is finally hands-and-knees crawling. He took his sweet time with the army crawl and has finally realized that it is easier to stand up when he is already on his knees. He can also go up and down stairs whenever he feels like it. I think February will be his walking month.

Bernie's poor little heart is broken. His Vikings let him down in epic fashion yesterday. I still even feel a little sick about it. We had a party to celebrate the game. It was a full house and a good time until the end of the game. We'll see if Bernie can pull himself together and have some enthusiasm for next year.

No big trips on the horizon, although there will no doubt be a marathon Great Falls/Bismarck trip early this summer. Bernie is going to Boise in March for a week for his annual fire-weather training. I don't like the idea of hanging out here with Bennett alone, so I will likely either go see my mother or go back to Phoenix. The problem with going to Great Falls is that my mother is incredibly busy since my grandma is out of town for the winter. I would likely be without her as well for the week and would have to rent a car. So we will see. It isn't very much fun to hang out with a toddler in a place he is unfamiliar sans support.

I'm ready for winter to be over. Ready for the flowers and slightly warmer weather. It's just cool enough most days that walks are not great for Bennett. The past two winters had warmer spells and I guess I got a little bit spoiled. The spring is so beautiful here. I can't wait.

2010-01-03T20:09:00.002-07:00

We are getting very close to Phoenix. My mom had considerable trouble getting her plane tickets through Allegiant. First she was coming, then she wasn't and was never going to deal with them again, and now she has her tickets and will be arriving the same day we are. We are all going to stay with Bernie's parents which is about 15 minutes from the sister-in-law and family. I'm excited to get in a game of golf and of course do some shopping. Bernie is looking forward to seafood on his birthday. I'm going to get Bennett a couple of new toys/books for the plane. Hopefully those and a few snacks will keep him occupied for a couple of hours.

The boy loves books. He spends a good amount of his day just flipping through them and babbling. There are four of them that he likes to have read to him. It's amazing how long his attention span is when we read them. He can sit for a good 20 minutes at least.

I had my first private viola lesson last Friday. I wasn't nervous, more excited. It felt really great to have it out again with goals in mind. It's so difficult to motivate for practice when I don't have any direction or goals. I thought that one of two things would happen. Either he would think that I was crazy and there was no chance of making the symphony or I would be able to do it. It was the latter. He actually told me that he was excited because I am his most advanced student (he teaches mostly middle and high school kids). I'm getting to work right away on the Bach cello suites. I've always wanted to get them right.

I've wanted to be part of a book club for some time but haven't tracked one down that felt right. Instead, I talked with the lady who runs the mom's group and offered to host a regular one at my house. The first one is in mid-February. All kind of excitement around here.

Bennett has started to say a couple of recognizable words in the past couple of days. His favorite is duck. The bathtub spout has a duck that covers it. When he gets in for his bath, he stands at it and screeches duck a few times with a big smile on his face. It's very cute. He is also saying something resembling ball. Today he started using his walker to actually walk across the room. It's seems to be something new every day. I have a feeling he and Grant will be quite the duo in Arizona.

Bernie has to travel to Greeley all week to teach a fire weather class. I don't miss that drive as a regular part of my schedule at all. Have fun honey!

I ordered myself the new Beatles box set with some of my Christmas money. I'm not so patiently awaiting it so I can get my Itunes back in order. I already got my new set of measuring cups (got the stainless steel ones...let's see those numbers try to rub off now!) and the Mario wii game. Bernie and I are playing cooperatively and it is a bit addicting.

Stuff and stuff

2009-12-19T21:01:00.002-07:00

We're already heading into Christmas week. I think I got everything done I wanted to despite the address screw-up with the gifts for my niece and nephew. Crystal and Jeremie recently moved. She texted me their new address to which I sent the gifts. As I am tracking the shipping, I noticed that UPS was saying that the address was incorrect. Turns out she sent me the wrong zip code (one which does not exist). This would have been fine and probably delivered had I not put down the wrong house number. Nice teamwork for us! I learned an important lesson: neither Target nor UPS can do anything once the package is sent out. They are powerless. They must just keep saying the package is undeliverable, and then somehow deliver it anyway. That's right, two of the three have gotten to the house despite the drama.

Bernie has to work on Christmas day this year, so we are not doing anything at our house to celebrate. Luckily, we have some nice friends here in Longmont who have invited us over to their house for dinner. And I have another excuse to bake.

Sir Bennett continues to grow up by the day. He is now usually standing and has taken a liking to climbing up the stairs. He took a spill today trying to get down. I have been trying to teach him that he needs to go backwards, but he insists on falling forward instead. We are still working on a real word (any word!) that connects to a concrete object or concept. Current contenders are: dog, eat, mama, or dada actually aimed at Bernie.

I don't know if I have mentioned that my son grinds his teeth. This is one of my least favorite habits, but I can usually deal with other people doing it (Sara may not agree). When it's Bennett, the feeling I get in the pit of my stomach is pure horror. I feel like digging a hole in which to live the rest of my life in silence. I just want him to stop, now. And please erase the memory from my brain. I checked out his teeth a couple of weeks ago and there seemed to be a chip. So we made a trip to the dentist (which is supposed to happen around this time anyway apparently). It was a kiddie dentist and a really nice office. Bennett was less then impressed. In fact, he screamed for the entire 30 second exam. The result was no chip and mom needs to stop overreacting. Teeth grinding is normal and he may do it more if I react. So I will try to ignore the most horrible sound I have ever heard.

We continue to make it to as many mom's group activities as possible, especially the play-dates. I hosted a cookie exchange last weekend which turned out to be more fun than I thought. We are even going out to lunch with a couple of mom/baby dyads. I offered to host a book club as well. There isn't one going right now and it would be nice to be able to discuss books I read with others who like books. I love Bernie very much, but he does not share my enthusiasm for the novel. His reading revolves mostly around sports.

Speaking of an outlet, I have been thinking about my viola lately. I took so many private lessons and put a lot of time into playing in the past. Then I just gave it up. I think I overextended any talent I may have had and simply burned myself out. I was never meant to be a music major, but I miss playing in an orchestra like mad. So I contacted someone to start private lessons again to get myself ready for a possible audition in the future. Hopefully that goes well and I don't want to throw the viola out the window after a couple of lessons. I had to fight that compulsion many times in college. I actually used to fantasize about breaking it over my knee. I think the pressure of solo playing was too much for me.

Phoenix is less than a month away! I am getting excited to check the area out, although wrangling Bennett on the airplane at this age is a bit daunting.

Hope everyone has a lovely holiday.

Winter Wonderland

2009-12-06T15:59:00.003-07:00

It has been snowing here all day long. I usually make it a point to get Bennett out of the house every day, but I couldn't muster the energy to brave the very snowy roads outside our house. Hopefully tomorrow will be more encouraging. Maybe I will take him to the pool. The rec center here has a great indoor pool perfect for babies. And Bennett always likes to spend some time in the water.

I've been feeling a bit hung over today. Bernie and I played Trivia last night at Old Chicago with a couple of his softball/meteorologist buddies. We actually won two of three rounds and came in second place overall (not that I contributed any answers). It was the second time we have played trivia there and it has been a fun...I'm sure we will try to make it whenever we can. The babysitter called about an hour in and told me that Bennett had been up for 45 minutes and wouldn't go back to sleep which is unheard of. He doesn't usually make a sound for the first 4-5 hours of sleeping at night. Turns out he was making a bit of noise and was moving around when she checked on him. So she took him out of the crib. I guess I should have explained that babies move around/make noise in their sleep and don't take him out of his crib unless he is awake and crying. Hopefully I made my point. He did end up going back down and we didn't have to come home for it to happen, so no harm done.

Last Sunday, Bennett was obviously not feeling well. He was lethargic, didn't want to play, and his appetite was down. I was holding him on the couch and Bernie had just left to get him a couple of things at the store. I looked down and all of a sudden the most enormous about of vomit came out of his mouth and all over me and him. It was probably all the food he had eaten during the past 12 hours. It was so pitiful. It was the only time he threw up, but he had some loose stools for a day or so. Then totally back to normal. I'm not sure if it was a stomach virus or something he ate. Poor baby.

I don't think I mentioned that I did end up buying the tickets for Elton John and Billy Joel, but the concert was postponed two days before. I sent the tickets back for a refund (they were crappy seats) and I will probably try to get better ones for the new date on February 22.

I need to start thinking about Christmas shopping. Our vikings tree is up (oh joy) and I will try to set up the other one tonight. I'm not so into Christmas, but I want to get some family traditions going this year. I actually have a stocking...a first for me. We also got one for Bennett. I will likely make an ornament "with" him and do an obscene amount of baking.

I have a number of mom group play dates this month, so all of the baked goods won't go in my/Bernie's mouth. There is also a cookie exchange in next Saturday which might be the highlight event of the month. I can't wait to get some new recipes. Not that I need them what with the magazine I just bought with 100 cookie recipes. I made chocolate thumbprint ones the other day that were amazing. They were like little brownies rolled in pecans and doused with caramel. Labor intensive, but so worth it. Ok, I'll shut up about cookies now.

I took Bennett in for his first haircut on Thursday. Although is long, slightly curly hair was cute, Mommy needed to rid the world of the mullet. I have spent my life making fun of people with mullets, and I couldn't deal with Bennett having one. And, yes, I know lots of babies have them, nothing wrong with it, etc. It was a personal issue. He behaved surprisingly well but wouldn't stop trying to look the direction the cut was happening.

Back to Normal

2009-11-27T21:41:00.002-07:00

My mom went home today. Bernie's parents left on Wednesday. Having guests is one of my favorite things in the world, but I always have a couple of nice peaceful days after they leave. The trip was like they are normally are...lots of eating, shopping, etc. We did make it to a UND game down in Denver baby-free. It was a good time. Oh! And I got a really cute pair of knee high brown leather boots, a first for me. It took me years to find a pair I actually like. So that was my birthday money purchase.

Bennett had his one year appointment last week. It's hard to fathom that an entire year has gone by since his dramatic entrance into our world. He is doing really well. 21lbs. 7oz. and 29 inches. Most babies triple (or so) their weight the first year. Bennett is more like 6 1/2 times his! His growth has been amazing. He has started to pull himself up now and does so at every opportunity. He also loves to jibber jabber (da da at this point). I just can't believe how lucky we have been...so when will I stop waiting for the other shoe to drop? Maybe it's just a mom thing.

His birthday party was fun, but certainly overwhelming for him. We wanted to have it when both the grandparents were here, so a weekday was the only choice. Then an evening was necessary so everyone could make it. We didn't start until 5:30 which was late for him, but he held it together. He got tons of toys and they are now overflowing the living room. I'm that person. The one I never wanted to be. My child's toys are overtaking my life.

I have a guilty pleasure that I have to admit. I am totally back into Days of Our Lives. I used to watch this show with my Grandma all the time. I continued through college and then gave it up, save for the occasional relapse. Well, it's a full relapse this time. I even record it everyday. So there, my secret is out. I don't know when I will get back on the wagon.

Blah!

2009-11-12T09:39:00.002-07:00

I am still on the fence about the 10K this weekend. When I ran last Saturday, my knees were a little sore. It almost felt like overuse. So I have been trying to take it easy on them and only running a little bit every other day. I should probably decide soon since the race is in two days. I will be pissed if I spent all of that time training for nothing, but I am happy that I can actually run more than 5 miles. That's a big jump from the 3 I maxed out on before.

Speaking of running, congrats (a little late) to my husband. Bernie trained seriously over the past few months for a half-marathon (13.1 miles). He ran it last Saturday and reached his goal of under two hours! Very impressive. I cried when he was crossing the finish line.

I called Bennett's physical therapist yesterday because I am getting a bit worried about his physical development. He has been army crawling for two months now and is still very resistive to hands-and-knees exercises. I don't know if I have said this before here, but being the parent of a preemie can be difficult in this department. I don't want to create a problem that isn't there, but I also don't want to miss something important that needs intervention. Anyway, she is going to come today to see how things are going. Hopefully, I am just overreacting.

I think some of what is feeding into my worries is my increased participation in the mom group thing. We have been going to playdates etc more frequently, and even hosted one at my house this week. Bennett just doesn't seem to be at the same or similar level as babies his adjusted age. We even met a 30 weeker who was walking at 13 months adjusted. That step still seems so far away for Bennett. I need to keep repeating to myself that these things happen in their own time and 13 months adjusted is still three months away.

Only one of the four teeth that Bennett is getting has come through. His mood has been better the past couple of days. Maybe he is just getting used to the feeling of it.

Bernie's parents are due Wednesday for a week-long stay in celebration of Bennett's 1st birthday. I can't believe it's that time already. When it's all happening it seems like it is taking forever, but when it actually gets here, it really went by fast. We are planning a low-key birthday party for him. We are also going to a UND/DU hockey game while they are here and my Aunt Jennifer is going to babysit. Other plans are up in the air at this point. My mom in planning to come down the day before Bennett's birthday. She should overlap with Bernie's parents for a couple of days, so we will have a full house.

Elton John and Billy Joel will be here on the 22nd. I didn't even realize it until last Saturday. We say Elton John last year in Vegas, which was great. But the show was really a stage-type show with the same set-list and routine every night. I wanted to see him in a real concert type setting. I'm not a huge Billy Joel fan, but I wouldn't mind seeing him either. I don't know. Tickets are kind of expensive...I'm just not a very good decision-maker lately.
visitors

Happy Halloween

2009-10-31T20:37:00.002-06:00

We hope everyone is having a fun day. Bennett was a turtle (I think the one from Finding Nemo), a costume that his Grandma Jackie bought him. He was pretty cute in it, but wasn't too impressed with the whole situation. I was so excited to take him to the door for the trick or treater's. Usually he is incredibly social. He loves to get people's attention at the store and smile/flirt with them. Not tonight. He cried real tears every time I opened the door for someone. I don't know if he didn't like the costumes or what. So I let him watch Yo Gabba Gabba while I answered the door. It seems that he might be developing some fears.

He is still trying to cut those four top teeth. We all wish it would just happen already. I can see all four white spots. His mood alternates between happy and pissed off throughout the day, but the Tylenol really seems to help.

I cannot think of anything else right now...sorry for the short post. Halloween pics are on Flickr.

Teething

2009-10-26T08:33:00.002-06:00

It seems that Bennett will be cutting four teeth in the near future. The four center top ones are pretty obviously coming in and his mood has adjusted accordingly. He and Bernie had the cold my mother gave them which caused an unhappy baby for a few days. Happiness ensued for two or three days and now we are back to crabby. I feel bad for the little man, it can't feel great to have four sharp objects cutting your gums.

Bennett's sleeping was finally on a schedule (a wonderful one at that) for about two weeks. He fell asleep between 7 and 7:30 and slept through until between 6 and 7. At 10 am was a 1 1/2 hour nap and another of the same length at 3pm. Not so much now with the teeth, but hopefully we can work back into it.

He continues to army crawl. We do exercises the physical therapist gave us daily to encourage the hands and knees technique to no avail. Hopefully he is getting close. It seems like just when I get really worried that he is not going to meet some milestone, he decides that it is time. He is getting more interested in trying to pull up on things (mostly us) and loves to stand at the coffee table or any other ledge he can find.

I got the same cold as the boys sometime last week. Overall it was fairly mild and was gone in about 4 days. It cut into my running again (can't seem to catch a break), but I'm back at it again. I ran a new long yesterday at 4.3 miles, but now a tendon or muscle in my upper thigh feels overused. Hopefully it won't be another snag in my plans. Bernie has his 1/2 marathon in less than two weeks...thinking good thoughts for him reaching his goal. I can't remember what it is at the moment, but 9 minute miles sounds right.

My aunt Jennifer came up the night before my birthday and watched Bennett while we went out. I have a teenage babysitter down the street who is fine for short periods of time, but I worry about her general common sense. I think I would worry about this with any teenager just because I remember being one. The good thing about it is that her mother is just down the street. But I didn't feel right leaving Bennett with her for 6 hours. Having Jennifer here was much more reassuring. Bernie and I went downtown and did some shopping and had dinner at a nice restaurant. I had a very yummy steak. I haven't been into steak nearly as much as I used to be since getting pregnant with Bennett, it just doesn't usually appeal to me. But this one was extra good.

My mother-in-law sent my an Eddie Bauer down vest I have been eying, my mom sent me a gold bracelet, my sister-in-law sent a gift card to Red Robin, and Bernie took me to pick out a simple diamond band for my right hand. All in all, a successful and happy 27th birthday.

I can't believe Bennett is already 11 months old. I can't wait to make him his own cake to make a mess with next month. My mom and Bernie's parents will all be here for the big event. We are looking forward to having guests rather than traveling.

Home

2009-10-16T10:33:00.002-06:00

Our trip to Great Falls ended on Monday and I am happy to be home without any more immediate travel plans. This year has been exhausting. Bennett was great both on the trip up and back. As long as someone was sitting in the back seat with him, life was pretty good. No major travel meltdowns to report. But 12 hours is a long time for anyone to sit in a car. He was ready to be done with that whole scene.

Amy's wedding turned out beautifully. She looked like a princess in her fluffy pink dress. The ceremony was very short (and those of you at my wedding know ours was short). It was probably the shortest I have ever seen. I think it took all of 2 minutes. The reception was a proper Fagg family dancing fest, although it ended earlier than I expected.

The wedding shower was also a lot of fun. I worked pretty hard on it and thought I could do it all myself. My mom was working so there wasn't much help there. She made the desserts (cheesecake, dark chocolate brownies, and peanut butter cookies) which took some of the stress off. I did pretty well, but the food plans were too ambitious. There were about 20-25 people. The menu consisted of a variety of crostini (topped with artichoke/parmesan, cream cheese/green onion/bacon, gorgonzola/walnuts/honey, prosciutto/mozzarella, olive/eggplant and an Italian tomato mixture) as well as chicken skewers with thai peanut sauce. I thought it all turned out very yummy. But I did have to call in Fagg family reinforcements to help it all come together. So a big thanks to all of them. I think the crostini are better suited for an 8 person dinner party.

Poor Bernie didn't get to do much for fun in Great Falls with all of the wedding hoopla. He and Bennett hung out together most of the time, which wasn't the most fun because he got bored at my mom's house pretty easily. Hopefully he can make up for it with a fishing trip in the near future.

I got to see Melanie, Kyle, and Gwendolyn almost every day I was there. I wanted to spend more extended time with them, but an hour at a time was about all I could manage. Little Gwendolyn is a beauty...pics to come soon. We also got to have a nice lunch with Heather on her birthday but somehow missed Marlena and the boys. I guess you can't do it all.

I am working on getting the pictures from the trip/wedding up, hopefully I can make my way through them all today. I gave my mom the camera to take pictures at the wedding and she seems to like to take about 30 pictures of the same scene, so it's a bit of a chore to find the one good one and delete the rest.

My back etc. are feeling 100% again and I have been running for about 10 days. I finally broke 4 miles for the first time yesterday so I still have hope to make it for the 10K in November.

It's October!

2009-10-01T10:31:00.003-06:00

My favorite month of the year, and it has nothing to do with my birthday. OK...maybe a little bit. But fall is really my favorite season. We returned to Colorado on Tuesday to see that the leaves are starting to change. I'm not sure what it is, but there is a certain kind of light to fall that makes me happy.

The first important issue I must address is the birth of Gwendolyn Michelle. I am so happy and excited for Melanie and Kyle that I tear up when I think about it. On top of that, she is really beautiful. Can't wait to meet her next week. Welcome baby girl!

Our trip to North Dakota last weekend was a whirlwind. We got there Friday night and left Tuesday afternoon. Joey's wedding/reception was fun even though we had to leave early for Bennett's bedtime. Such is the life of a parent. He had a rough couple of nights there due to waking in the middle of the night to eat (normal for him right now). Usually he goes right back to sleep, but the surroundings were unfamiliar and so he was up for 2+ hours. Yuck. I of course question whether he really needs to eat or has just gotten into the habit. Last night he woke but did not have to eat, so maybe I just need to be a little more patient with getting him back to sleep.

It was really great to have Bernie's whole family in town at the same time. That hasn't happened since we got married in 2006. Especially fun was watching the three kids interact. Bennett still isn't mobile enough to keep up, but he was more interested than when he saw them in June. I think that he and Grant will be a pair of troublemakers when we visit Phoenix in January. I feel like he may be walking by then.

Speaking of mobility, Bennett is getting better and better at scooting himself around. He will always move for the right motivation (food, wedding ring, or glasses), and now he is even self-motivating a bit. I leave the room for a moment and come back to find him in a different spot reaching for a toy. All very exciting. I better get on the baby-proofing. I will try to get a new video to post soon.

Yesterday I had jury duty. I was thisclose to being chosen to sit on the trial of a guy accused of criminal mischief and indecent exposure. Right at the end I was cut. I still had to spend almost 4 hours there. Oh well...better than all day.

I have had decent digital cameras for some time now (6 years or so) and have not ever known how to properly use them. There are soooo many different buttons and settings and it seems the manual is never much help. The city offers a "getting to know your digital camera class" that I have been trying to take for the past year. The times it is offered never seem to work with Bernie's schedule. I finally got signed up for the one last night. It was still an overwhelming amount of information, but I feel like I have a better grasp on how to change the settings for the environment and the type of photo I want. We will see. There is a put it into practice session on Saturday morning.

I am becoming a bit depressed about the whole running and 10K situation. My hip is a lot better, but it is still mildly annoying. It's been two weeks now and I need to get on it if I have any hope of being ready. I think I am going to go for it tomorrow and hope it will feel better with some moderate jogging.

On to Great Falls on Monday. I am really excited for Amy's wedding next weekend. I am throwing her shower and am in the midst of planning the food, games, and decor. Any of you that have been to an event at my mom's house knows that we always go a bit overboard.

Lastly, there is a huge photo dump on Flickr. New pics/videos are on two pages.

Poor Bennett

2009-09-17T20:01:00.003-06:00

Life has been a bit trying around here, especially for Bennett. First he got the two teeth, then it was the ear infection. Everything was normal for a bit. Until yesterday when the snot started to run. He has picked up what seems to be his first cold. Sneezing and runny nose are the main symptoms at this point and we're hoping to avoid anything worse. His sleeping habits have been erratic. Some nights he sleeps through the night, other nights he wakes multiple times and has to eat. Excitement I tell you. I feel terrible for his sore little nose. I try to wipe it with a lotion tissue as much as possible. He hates that nasal aspirator, but who wouldn't.

He continues to feed himself at almost every meal. He is especially crazy at dinner. The kid just shovels it in. I have fed him some meat, including pork and chicken. I didn't think he liked it because I tried the jarred stuff in the past and that was a no go. But, really, who wants pureed jarred meat? I tasted it and it ain't so great.

I am still training for the 10K in November. I am a bit slow in gaining the distance I would like. The lake by our house has been conquered a couple of time which is my long at this point--3.6 miles. We'll see if I can push it to 4 this weekend. I get bored easily of the same kind of exercise day after day. To avoid that I vary it quite a bit with Stroller Strides, swimming, running, and group exercise classes. Right now my right hip is bugging me, so hopefully that clears up soon.

I am currently watching the season premier of The Office. I have never followed it religiously, but it's so funny when I do catch it.

I am actually hosting a baby play date for one of the meet-up groups I am apart of. I have not been great about getting to the events, but they always seem to fall when Bennett is likely to be napping. We are going to try and get him down to two naps per day once the illness has passed so hopefully I can make it to more. I haven't had too much luck finding people that I have much in common with but more effort may be needed. It seems like I have an increasingly difficult time making real friends as I get older. What's up with that?

Mom's visit

2009-09-07T11:41:00.002-06:00

My mom just left this morning. Overall it was fun having her here. We did an entire day of shop till you drop on Friday at the Castle Rock outlet mall. Bernie and Bennett had a daddy day. It was nice to get out shopping without having to worry about feedings, naps, etc. And you should have seen my mom at the & $10 rack at Eddie Bauer. It seemed like all the pants were in a tall, which was perfect for her. I think she ended up with 5 or 6 pairs just from that store. We cooked at home the entire time she was here. Mostly yummy food like steaks and nachos. Bernie and I went to Boulder on Saturday night to have a date-type night. It was a good time and only one opinion-fest occurred with my mother. All in all a successful trip.

A couple of years ago, my mother borrowed my blender to make margaritas. It was of the Kitchen Aid variety and had a glass pitcher. She ended up dropping and breaking it. We haven't missed it much since I like my margaritas on the rocks these days. But she kept saying she was going to buy us a new one and was just waiting for the perfect one to come along. Well, she finally decided and brought a very expensive Vita-Mix to us. I had never seen one of these before. It basically seems like a restaurant quality blender. It came with a huge cookbook in which there are recipes for everything from soup to desserts to fondue. She makes herself a fruit smoothie every morning in it with nothing but fruit and it turns out the quality of something you would get in one of those smoothie shops. So now I have a new toy to figure out...not to mention another item to store on my already crowded counter. We really need a baker's rack or some other method of junk storage.

I decided to hit some garage sales this weekend. Garage sales have never been my thing, simply because I hate to acquire to much crap. But Bennett needed some different toys and I think they are crazily overpriced in the store. We ended up with 4 new toys (including a baby piano, another light up/music toy, a highchair toy, and peek-a-boo blocks for $8. I considered it to be a fruitful venture and will probably go more in the future.

Bennett finally fed himself today! It seems like I have been waiting forever for him to realize that he can put food into his own mouth. He loves to play with and hoard Cheerios. He finally got a couple in his mouth today. He also grabbed his spoon and fed himself some yogurt at the same meal. I'm sure we are in for it now.

Bennett has been feeling much better since the antibiotics. His personality is back to normal and he can actually do something for more than 10 seconds without throwing a fit. The downside is that he is now on his second round of a non-allergic reaction to the amoxicillin. He is covered in red bumps and splotches. They don't bother him at all, but it looks like he has a nasty communicable disease. Luckily the last dose is tonight.

It's been a rough weekend!

2009-08-30T10:58:00.002-06:00

Bennett has been progressively cranky over the past week or so. At first I'm sure it was due to the two(!) teeth he cut at the same time. Then he started to get very fussy about two or three days ago. I thought it might have something to do with the yogurt I started with him, so I cut it out. No improvement ensued. Friday he was running a low fever of under 100. By Saturday it was over 101. He was very tired and didn't want to play. We decided to take him to the doctor yesterday. Our pediatrician was not there so he saw someone new. She cleaned out his ears, and sure enough he has an ear infection in his right ear. She said it was caught early. We got the antibiotics started and he does seem to be feeling better although he is still sleeping a lot. He took a 3+ hour nap yesterday which is unheard of. I actually had to wake him.

During this teething/ear infection attack, I was giving him some Tylenol to help with the pain. Apparently I had the dosing all wrong. He was only getting a third of the correct dosage for his weight. No wonder it wasn't doing anything for him...poor baby.

The new car seat is here and overall I am pleased. It takes up significantly less room than other car seats like it and even seems to be less wide than the bucket seat. Trips to GF and ND should me much more comfortable. My mom should fit better back there now as well. She insists on riding in the back with Bennett, even when the front seat is available.

Bernie and Craig got out early this morning to do some fishing. Hopefully they have some luck. I would rather not have fish nastiness in the freezer, but I will concede since Bernie likes it so much.

We finally got regular doctor in this house. Bernie and I both have our appointments this week. Hopefully we are given a clean bill of health.

And yes, Oasis has split up. I have a bad feeling about it this time...everything seems so final. This is definitely the end of an era. I do have sad feelings about it, but I am also oddly excited by it all. I know there will continue to be music from Noel and probably Liam as well. It will be interesting to see what direction they take and what develops. How awesome would it be to see a Noel solo gig? Acoustic preferably. What? No one but Sara cares? Oh well, we will continue to commiserate together.

And lastly. To top off the weeked, Eula passed away yesterday. Although it was expected, I don't think we can ever be prepared. I've watched a lot of people I care about die at the nursing home, but the experience never loses it's emotional impact. Eula was one of the first friends I made in Colorado. I will think of her every time I see an elk or drive to Estes Park.

9 month visit

2009-08-25T12:29:00.002-06:00

No shots this time. Bennett did have to have his toe pricked for a blood test but he was a total trooper. He hardly even whined. He also had to give a urine sample (which I had never heard of). They gave me this sticky little bag that I put on under his diaper. It didn't work very well but they said it was enough. The blood test results were normal and I haven't heard anything about the UA. He weighed 18lbs 8oz and was 27 1/4 inches. He is staying on his growth curve nicely. The MD did say that we could start dairy, meat, and bread products at any time. We have only been doing cereal, fruit, and veggies since May. Yesterday, I gave him some yogurt which he seemed to enjoy. I hadn't started anything else because I wasn't sure if I should be treating him as a 7 or 9 month old when it came to food. The MD felt like 9 months was more appropriate and that we would plan on getting off of the formula in November rather than January. Developmentally, Bennett is somewhere between 7 and 8 months.

I forgot to mention in my last post that we ordered Bennett's next car seat. I thought he was going to be closer to the 22lb limit than he is, but he will probably be more comfortable switching soon anyway. I spent quite a bit of time weighing the options. The bigger ones are nice because they go up to 65 lbs, but god they take up a lot of space in the back of the Prius. I decided to go with the Combi Coccoro in chestnut brown:

http://www.combi-intl.com/Products/Item.aspx?Item=12.

It is significantly smaller and will be a much better fit in our small car. It only goes up to 40 lbs, but at Bennett's growth rate he'll be 3 1/2 before he grows out of it. A person might even be comfortable sitting on the side with the seat in the middle, what a concept!

I ruined Bennett's activity mat last night. I put it in the dryer and it melted in a couple of spots. I swear I have dried it before...whatever. It's basically toast now.

My mom will be here in about a week. I asked her what she wanted to do and she said "nothing." She just wants to relax. Fine by me.

Fall is in the air

2009-08-21T16:05:00.002-06:00

sort of. The past week have seen some cooler days and even cooler nights. It's nice not to be overheated and sweating while I'm trying to sleep. I guess it's going to be 90+ degrees this weekend so the respite is short. But fall is in my future and I am quite excited by it. It's a beautiful season in Colorado, mild days with no or hardly any wind (you hear that Great Falls?). We need to get up to Rocky Mountain National Park at the right time to see the changing aspens and herds of elk.

Speaking of the elk in the park, I don't know if I ever mentioned the lady that I have been volunteering with for the past year and a half. I arranged it originally for school, but have kept seeing her beyond. We used to go up to Estes Park every week and elk search. She absolutely loved the elk. It was the highlight of her week. When we started, she was still living on her own, but by last summer she had to move into the nursing home. Our trips became less frequent. When Bennett was born, my visits with her became strictly at the nursing home. She has continued to decline and is now on hospice. When Bennett and I visited today she looked rough. I don't think she will last much longer. She was a neat lady and I will miss seeing her. Her outlook on life was a bit crazy at times, but definitely shaped by her life experiences. She seemed comfortable and had family at her side...I'm not sure if one can ask for much more at end-of-life. She is 89. Goodbye to Eula if I don't see you again!

On to less depressing topics. We finally had most of the trees removed from our backyard last week. Someone had planted a huge number of trees all along the fence line about 20 years ago. Then they trimmed them like crazy and they grew straight up and very very skinny. In fact, some of the branches hung precariously into the backyard and threatened to knock me on the head when I was out there. There were 14 to start with I think and we have 5 left. It looks very bare right now but Bernie assures me that they will fill out.

Here's a grown-up bit of news. We got life insurance started for myself and Bennett this week. Bernie already has some. I just got done with the exam. The nurse came to the house, took my BP (104/70 and 102/72.....AWESOME!), made me pee in a cup, and took some blood. Hopefully everything comes back well and I get the super good rating.

I finally made it up to three miles jogging on the treadmill recently. Getting back into running has been tough, but it is starting to feel good now that I can see some improvement in my endurance. Stroller Strides classes (don't laugh, they are a serious workout that I can feel for days sometimes) are helping as well. My weight has definitely bounced back up since I quit pumping, so I need all the exercise I can get. I'm considering (only considering at this point) a 10K in November. I have never ran that far...4 miles is my previous max.

Bennett has been a crabby man for the past few days. It looks like we will see some teeth soon! His 9 month appointment is Monday so I will update with his latest stats then.

Heavenly

2009-08-12T20:19:00.002-06:00

That is the only way I can describe the dinner I just had. And it had nothing to do with the food, although it was also very good. I met up with Bernie and four of his/our friends at a local restaurant, on the patio. Side note: Bernie is in a workshop this week which has translated into him being away from home for 14+ hours every day. I'm ready for that to be over. Anyway...I got there first while waiting for everyone else to get where they needed to be. Bennett was crabby all the way over, so I was counting on the worst. Instead, he barely made a peep for over an hour and just sat in the highchair playing with his toys. I got to enjoy my entire meal without even having to hold or entertain him at all. This is unheard of. He doesn't usually throw fits in a restaurant but he wants to be held and get into everything. I guess he know mommy needed a little adult time.

Right not I am enjoying a glass of wine and chocolates. And not just any chocolates. I bought these at a winery in Oregon and they are meant to pair with red wine. They are all very dark 75% cacao on up and are awesome with the wine. Now I'm just waiting to see if Bernie brings back anyone to enjoy them with me.

I've been trying my hand at a little baby food making with some success. I have carrots and peaches frozen in ice trays in the freezer as well as some bananas and avocados. I also turned some of the monster squash into baby food, although it doesn't have quite enough taste for Bennett. I just mix it with something else like sweet potatoes and he eats it just fine.

To use all of the alien squash...

one large squash casserole (9x13 pan)
two dozen squash muffins
babyfood

and those stupid plants produce at least 1-2 more every day (not that size of course). OK, I'll shut up about the squash plants. Ready right now we also have cucumbers, tomatoes, green peppers, and a SHIT TON of lettuce. And I mean shit ton...like 10 huge heads of lettuce. Salad time for this family!

Preparing for a long week after a long week

2009-08-06T20:31:00.003-06:00

We returned from our trip to Great Falls on Tuesday. I don't know why, but I find vacations somewhat exhausting. I get extra sleep and help with Bennett from my mom. When I finally get home it seems a few days of recovery are needed. I am almost back to feeling like myself. Except my boobs are very lumpy and painful right now...I know TMI, but too bad for you. I stopped pumping over 10 days ago and felt fine until this past Sunday. Now I am in significant discomfort. Running or fast walking is out of the question. I think what I am experiencing now is normal, but I am taking my temp everyday to make sure I avoid an infection.

No pump in my life has been liberating and a bit sad at the same time. I knew there would be feelings of both. It was great to go to the wedding and be able to drink freely and not leave to pump in the middle of the reception. On the other hand, it assuaged my guilt of nursing failure to at least give Bennett some breast milk. Still dealing with it slowly and trying to be kind to myself. I guess I knew that parenting would be a somewhat guilt-ridden process (nursing isn't the only issue one can feel guilty about), but didn't realize the magnitude of the emotions it creates in everyday life. Wow. Too much psych talk for this blog, sorry about that.

Our trip was enjoyable. My mom was very helpful with Bennett, including getting up with him in the mornings. The extra sleep was wonderful. We ate out at our/my favorite places and got to see most everyone.

This is my public apology to Heather. Let me preface with a story about Heather and I (and I think Sara was there also?) about 10 years ago. We were backing out of my driveway and I backed into a HUGE RED TRUCK that was squarely behind me. Like it was right there and obvious. Fast forward to last week. I was in the Prius with Melanie, Heather, and Bennett (and Gwendolyn of course). We were backing out of my mom's driveway and I backed right into Heather's car!!! AHHH!!! I left a dent in her bumper. To make the story even better, I have a backup camera for such situations. Very useful. I am sorry for that and let me know the cost if you ever get it fixed.

My dad has finally decided on his own accord to quit driving this month. Well, the decision came with the help of a new law that requires each person on the car registration to provide a valid driver's license. His expired last October and he was unable to pass the vision test. Now the registration is up this month. He is in pretty rough shape as far as his vision and reflexes are concerned. And he finally admits that he worries about hurting someone else. I'm hoping my aunt and uncle will be able to share the responsibility of taking him out to shop once per week. I know that is a lot to ask of a sibling with a family. Apparently Great Harvest Bread will deliver to him, which is most of what he eats anyway. So shopping shouldn't be a along process. I made him a batch of chile and put it into single serving containers last time I was there since he can't open cans anymore. When I snuck a look into the freezer, over 75% was still there. Almost all the muffins I made were still there as well. What a wasted effort, but not at all surprising.

It seems that Bennett is slowly resolving some of his sleep issues. He is only waking briefly 1-2 times per night at this point, usually very close to the morning. I'll take it! His rolling is stalled right now at only rolling off of his tummy on the left side (along with rolling onto his tummy from both directions whenever the chance is presented). However, he is starting to put his but in the air and try to propel himself. He can also turn his entire body on his stomach to see things on either side of him. I don't think crawling is crazy far off. I am hoping by his first birthday, that will keep him on track developmentally.

He enjoyed his trips to the pools in Great Falls. The drive was more difficult that the trip in April/May when he slept more, but still very manageable. He needed more frequent entertainment and has some minor meltdowns. Still, I thought he did really well for spending 12 hours in a car seat.

Oh, one more thing. We came hope to the biggest summer squash I have ever seen. I can't believe I forgot to take a picture of it before I cut it up. Normally they are about 6-8 inches long and 2-3 inches thick. This one was at least 18 inches long and 8 inches thick. It was a monsterous alien life-form. I made an entire squash casserole out of it (recipe called for 6 squash) and still have half left. That's some good cow poo dirt Bernie got back there.

Latest Happenings

2009-07-25T20:26:00.003-06:00

I went to see Tori Amos on Tuesday with my friend Michaela. I had gotten a ticket for Marlena also, but she wasn't able to make it down. I had a really good time. It was fun to see Tori again. It was 2002 when I saw her last in Missoula. I haven't had a chance to really get into the new album, but the great thing about a Tori concert is that she plays a lot of her older songs. Her catalog is huge and she always varies her set list considerably from concert to concert. Oasis and Tori within a year...not bad at all. We also had a pretty good meal at an Italian restaurant downtown.

Sleep around here remains very interrupted. Just yesterday Bennett finally started to roll off of his tummy, however, he still isn't doing it consistently in his crib. And then yesterday I decided to remove the crib bumper (bad mother, I know). Since Bennett was born, we have been using a motion/sound monitor. I love this thing and it was especially important when he was an itty bitty guy on oxygen. It will go off if it doesn't sense any movement for 20 seconds. When he was staying in the middle of the crib, it worked well. Now that he has been moving around, he often ends up horizontal in the very top of the crib. When he is in a deep sleep the monitor has a hard time picking him up. The result is even more frequent wakings to turn the alarm off. I figured I was comfortable turning the motion monitor off at this point if I took the bumper out. Last night was the trial run and it was awful. Usually he just whines when he wakes. Instead, he was knocking his head on the railings and his limbs were hanging out. Screaming ensued. After some thought I realized that I could turn the sensitivity up from 2 to 5 on the monitor. I put the bumper back in (bad mother, I know) and turned it up. We'll see how it goes tonight.

The garden is going wild. Squash and tomatoes every day. There is so much lettuce. I don't know how a person could eat so much. We are going to take some of it to Great Falls. My newly organic mother should love it. There a couple of ears of corn almost ready and green peppers growing. We are still waiting for cucumbers, hot peppers, and broccoli. I feel pretty good about our first real foray into vegetable gardening.

We are off to Great Falls on Monday morning. I am hoping Bennett wants to be nice and not throw too many fits in the back seat. The goal will be to make it in one day if he lets us. The trip should be full again trying to see everyone. My mom is teaching swimming lessons right now. She can't wait to take Bennett to the pool. She already has him signed up for a water babies class.

The final pumping session is drawing near...stay tuned for an official announcement.

oh...the rolling

2009-07-16T20:03:00.002-06:00

It is getting a bit out of control...especially last night. For the past few weeks, Bennett wakes 1-3 per night because he has rolled on his tummy and woken up mad. It's usually easy to get him back to sleep, just turn him over and give him his pacifier. Well last night we decided that we would leave him with a baby sitter for the first time. It was our anniversary and we had a nice time out to dinner and going for margaritas. Three hours without Bennett was strange and I did worry, but of course he was safe and sound. Our baby sitters are a couple of 13 year old girls that live in the neighborhood. They have both taken classes and know CPR etc. Anyway, I'm off track. He was asleep when we got home. At about 12:30 he woke up on his tummy. I rolled him back over and gave him what I though was his pacifier. Wrong. It was the wrong one and I could not find the right one. Well, he kept rolling over and waking up every ten or so minutes for the next couple of hours. Fun times! Bernie finally got up (had to be at work at six this morning btw) and changed his diaper and put familiar jammies on him. Nice try. Five minutes later he was on his tummy and really awake. He had somehow peed out of his diaper in that small amount of time. I changed him again, fed him (haven't done that in a long time) and finally went back to sleep after 3am. He was not in the best mood today. Good news is I found the right pacifier so hopefully tonight goes better. It will be wonderful when he either enjoys sleeping on his tummy or learns how to get himself back to his side/back.

I have cut down on pumping again. Two days ago I finally weaned down to once per day. The supply had definitley dropped off. I will likely quit by the time we go to Great Falls in 10 days. Doing my best to cope with the mommy guilt.

We are headed to GF on the 27th and will be there about a week. Not so much looking forward to seeing my dad. He really does get worse every time I see him. It's only a matter of time before I...and by that I mean we...will need to take more responsibility. Oh the fun of being a grown up. I know I'm not the only one who will be dealing with these issues.

My mom is going to have Bennett over night on the night of the wedding. How strange that will be! We'll be in Helena, 90 whole minutes away in a hotel room alone. It should be a good time.

Excitement in the Meier Household

2009-06-30T21:45:00.003-06:00

After a couple of weeks of mommy worry related to Bennett's development, things are starting to progress. I was beginning to fear that he may have some delays. About three days ago he really started to discover his lower body. He has progressed quickly from the top of his pants, to his knees, and finally his feet. He does not hold on to them for long but is trying for them. The same day I found him on his tummy in his crib! He now rolls easily onto his tummy if he wants to get to a toy. About 6 weeks ago he was rolling off of his tummy but now he is back to yelling to get off of it. He rarely figures out how to do it himself. Overall I am so please to see that he is on track with his adjusted age. His sitting is even getting better. He loves to sit and can do it by himself for 5-10 seconds sometimes.

Our gardens are getting crazy around here. The squash plants are completely out of control and the corn plants actually have ears already. There are pictures/videos of both topics on the Flickr page.

Bernie is on a stretch of 7 midnight shifts...ewww. I will be glad when they are done on Friday morning, but not as happy as he will be I'm sure. We are going to Craig and Michaela's for a 4th of July get together. On Sunday, my family from Boulder are coming for dinner. So the weekend is shaping up to be busy. And it's less than a month until we go back to Great Falls.

Oregon

2009-06-26T09:16:00.003-06:00

We returned to Colorado on Tuesday after spending a week in Portland. It was a great trip. Crystal and Jeremie were wonderful hosts. Even with three young children we managed to get out quite a bit. I went to Powell's Bookstore for the first time and discovered a place where I could possibly happily spend the rest of my life. The place takes up an entire city block. I only got to the sale shelves and still walked out with seven books for me and four for Bennett. I have never seen books on sale in a store like that. I didn't spend more than $6.95 for any of them (all new). Apparently books can be ordered online and shipping is free for orders over $50. They may be my new book source from now on.

Bernie and I took a side trip to Bend which is about three hours from Portland. We visited a couple of old friends from Great Falls which was fun. They just had a newborn baby boy five days before we got there. At 8 lbs, he seemed so tiny. I can't believe Bennett was half his size. Bennett had a HORRIBLE blow out on the way up which resulted in throwing away a onsie.

Bernie and Jeremie went fishing on the ocean for Father's Day. They caught a ton of fish, but Bernie was unfortunately very ill the entire time. He threw up about 20 times while on the boat. Bernie being Bernie claims he had fun despite all the retching. We were all in Lincoln City for the fishing trip and stayed in a hotel next to the ocean. It was beautiful, although a totally different beach experience than San Diego. It was very cool with hardly any people around. I think I prefer the less crowded beach even if there will be no suntanning. Bernie and I got to spend an our or so in the evening on the beach at sunset. It was beautiful and a moment I will never forget.

The rose garden was amazing. Emily had a great time running around taking pictures with my camera. She surprisingly got a few good ones.

We went to a winery on the day we left. We got a little tipsy in the middle of the afternoon. It would be great to return one day to see a few of the wineries, with a designated driver of course!

If you ever get a chance to eat fresh Mt. Hood strawberries, don't miss it. They are the most amazing strawberries I have ever eaten. I didn't know they could taste that good.

Seeing Emily and meeting Grant was fun. Emily is growing up so fast. She has a ton of energy and has a very cute personality. Grant is much more laid back and can entertain himself nicely. Hopefully Bennett learned something from him.

Bennett is doing well...nothing new to report on that front. He is enjoying his solids more and we are up to twice per day.

My mom's visit went well. We did some shopping and cooking, the normal things we do. We also went on the luxury home tour. We only got to see about six out of 27 houses, but the ones we saw were amazing. The most expensive was 6 million. I still enjoy getting out and seeing homes...especially those that cost millions of dollars.

Home for the moment

2009-06-09T11:24:00.002-06:00

We returned from San Diego yesterday after a very nice trip. Bennett was an angel on the way down...other than the squealing. He discovered that recently and is also tending to be quite social. The people around us were very nice and smiled/talked with him. He would smile/laugh/squeal in return. The way back was a bit more sketchy. He screamed a couple of times for 30 seconds or so until I could get the bottle in his mouth. The other passengers were not nearly as friendly and did not socialize with Bennett when they tried to get his attention. All in all, not bad on the plane. I even got an aisle seat on both legs although we never left our seat.

It was so great to see and spend time with Kristen and her family. We hadn't really seen each other since our wedding. I enjoyed meeting Phil and Ava...nice to talk with some real other people for a couple of days. We went to a really great park in San Diego with the MOST BEAUTIFUL roses (see the flickr page). We also got to the beach and some yummy restaurants. Thanks for a wonderful weekend.

Bennett was very happy and good during the mornings/days of the trip. But he couldn't seem to get a decent nap in. He was too hyped up and by 5:00 a meltdown ensued until it was time to go to be. Sorry to Kristen and her neighbors for all the noise!

Bennett has started into solid foods. So far he is doing OK...eats about 10 bites and is ready to be done. He had pears today though and definitely seemed to like those quite a bit. We have appointments with the eye MD and physical therapist this week before my mom comes down on Friday. We are going to go on the "luxury home tour." All of the houses are between 1 and 6 million. Fun times for a realtor and her daughter.

Portland is upcoming next Tuesday, pending the outcome of Bernie's jury duty. Hope for us...we really want to get up there.

Tori Amos tickets are in hand. I got pretty good ones in the middle of the orchestra section. The theater only holds just over 1000 people so I imagine most of the seats are decent. Michaela will be joining me as will Marlena hopefully. She wants to make it down so the ticket is waiting.

I am in the process of reading Sara's book for the second time and enjoying it very much. I hope to have my comments ready for you by the end of the month...that's the goal anyway.

2009-05-22T21:11:00.002-06:00

I am happy to report that I got all of my flowers/veggies planted over the past couple of weeks. It feels good to have that done. Now I just have to keep up with all the maintenance. I will try to get some photos posted soon. I did not go nearly as crazy as I did last year, knowing how much work it can be to keep it all under control.

I sounds like my mom is planning to come down to visit the second weekend in June. It's going to be a busy month. Bennett and I are flying to San Diego to see Kristen and family in two weeks. Then my mom will be here. Then we are flying to Portland to visit Bernie's sister and family. Have I mentioned how nervous I am to fly with Bennett alone? I'm on Southwest which does not have seating assignments and does not allow "families" to board first. I hope I am lucky enough to get an aisle seat or someone willing to give one up. I'm sure he will need to be walked around a number of times to prevent meltdown.

I heard today that Tori Amos is going to be in Denver mid-July. I hope to go and have asked a local friend to join me. I can't see Bernie enjoying that concert. He already had to deal with me and Oasis, I will try to spare him this time.

Bennett had his 6 month check-up this week. He is up to 15 lbs. 4 oz. and 25 inches. The doctor was very happy with his growth. He has hit the 25th percentile for weight and 10th for height in his actual age group. Hopefully, by the time he is a year old he will be caught up. The doctor felt he was between a 4 and 5 month old developmentally which is right on target for the moment. Again, he should continue to close the gap as he gets older. He wanted us to start solids right away. I wasn't sure if Bennett was ready, but he is doing OK with them. Yesterday he spit most of the rice cereal out. Today he swallowed more of it but would not open his mouth after 4 bites or so. Oh well...he should still be getting all of his nutrition from breast milk/formula anyway. We're just practicing right now.

We went to a baby play date this week. An interesting group of women and lots of cute babies. I will definitely go again. I also am continuing with exercise classes at the rec center and Stroller Strides class. I try to get some exercise most days. I find it helps improve my mood.

I'm working two days in a row next week! Crazy! I should probably do something to justify my free gym membership.

Specialist appointment

2009-05-13T22:24:00.002-06:00

So, we had an appointment with the maternal-fetal specialist yesterday. It is recommended that any woman who had pre eclampsia see one before they get pregnant again. I decided to try to see the lady who actually delivered Bennett. I was expecting a battle with having to get a referral and other assorted medical hoops, but it was actually very easy. I just called and made the appointment. I spent quite a bit of time researching and preparing questions (thank you Pre-eclampsia Foundation Forms...I don't know if I would have made it through the last few months without you). She actually remembered us, which was comforting.

First, the news I have learned about my first pregnancy. I ordered my medical records (300+ pages) and have gone through them. I apparently had a hemorrhage after Bennett was born, which I don't remember. That must be why they were shoving a number of unknown pills down my throat. They took the placenta for a pathology report. There were problems with the blood vessels. It was also in the 20th percentile for size and partially abrupted. This means that it had started to separate from my uterus and if it would have continued, Bennett may have died. The blood vessel issues and size are hallmarks of pre-e. The problem is thought to occur at implantation. Something is screwy with mom's immune system which causes the placenta to implant too shallowly. This is fine until the baby gets too big. Then the need for blood etc outpaces the placenta's ability to provide and mom's system goes into overload and shutdown mode. Bennett was a good weight for his age, but if we had continued, he would have likely become growth restricted for lack of blood/nutrients.

Dr. Becker was positive about a second pregnancy, but also gave us fair warning. Since I had severe early onset pre-e, my chances are significantly higher of having it again in subsequent pregnancies. In most cases, women develop pre-e late in pregnancy (near labor/delivery) and only have it that one time. My own OB made it seem as though I was in the "only first pregnancy" group, but the specialist seemed to have more knowledge. She said the chances were between 25-60% Kind of scary at first glance. But since I am healthy overall and the first found tests for underlying disorders were negative she thinks my chances of having a normal pregnancy are greater than another bout of pre-e.

A second pregnancy would be considered "high risk." She would co-manage with my OB. I would have baseline labs and 24 hour urine test to find out what is normal for me. There are also a couple more of tests to run right when I get pregnant. If they were to be positive, it would be twice a day injectable blood thinners for me for the last two trimesters (fun!). I would have to take a daily aspirin when pregnant and prenatal vitamins for three months before I get pregnant. It sounds like I would have ultrasounds to check for growth every four weeks after week 12. Other interventions would come in as needed.

Whew...that was a lot of info. Sorry about that, but my brain is often occupied with these issues and I thought I would share!

Warning

2009-05-06T19:14:00.001-06:00

Photo dump on Bennett's page.

Also, he rolled from his back to his tummy today! He can get to his side from his back, but not totally over yet.

An update...finally

2009-05-06T17:17:00.002-06:00

I just couldn't find the time on vacation to update. We got back on Monday and I have been trying to get the house in order since. We had a great time in both North Dakota and Montana. North Dakota was definitely more laid back. There was time to relax and enjoy Bernie's parents. Montana was much more hectic. Between my family and our friends that still live there, we were busy every day. The weather was shitty. There was a MASSIVE snow storm a couple of days after we got there and it was still melting when we left. I finally got to meet the first Fagg grandchild, Jadessa. She was born in August and a cutie. It's neat to see where Bennett will be in a few months. It was also nice to see Melanie and Heather again. I can't wait to find out if Melanie is having a boy or girl. Everyone seems to think girl, but we'll see on June 3rd.

Bennett was a great traveler overall. He slept most of the trip and only had one major meltdown. We took two days to get to ND and two days to get home, so I'm sure that helped his disposition. Speaking of sleep, he started to sleep through the night just before we left. Without me even trying he has got himself on a schedule. He goes to bed between 8 and 9, sleeps until between 7 and 8, and then eats every three hours during the day. His nap isn't quite worked out yet. He sometimes takes a long nap during the day. Other times, there are only cat naps. Whatever...sleeping through the night is the most important!

Still pumping here. I am down to four times a day now which is manageable at the moment. I may try to cut it down to two by the end of May and see how the supply goes. Right now he only needs about 4 ounces of formula per day out of 30. I'm hoping I can still get 15-20 ounces per day with two pumpings. I figure I can keep that up, even on vacation this summer. I have too much guilt about completely quitting.

I have joined a couple of mom's groups in the area. One of them is a Stroller Strides class. It has been a great way to get some exercise that includes Bennett. I also hope to meet and befriend some new moms. I need to get back to it since I got back. I was at my pre-pregnancy weight before we went on vacation, not so much anymore.

I am so excited to start my gardens this weekend!!! I keep seeing and drooling over all the flowers I see.

Bernie got a summons for jury duty today...ha! I should probably shut up or I'll be next.

Milestone!

2009-04-11T10:05:00.002-06:00

Bennett had started to sleep longer at night consistently about three weeks ago. Instead of 3 hours between feedings, he slowly changed to 4 and then 5 hours. Then, two nights ago he went 7 hours and last night he went 8!!! Bennett slept through the night! We are a little excited. I think what has helped the most is that he is getting his thumb (as opposed to his whole hand) in his mouth consistently. He is able to calm himself and fall back to sleep when he wakes in the night. He even seems to be losing interest in the pacifier. He would much rather suck on his thumb.

Gearing up for vacation

2009-04-04T17:51:00.002-06:00

We're headed to North Dakota in about 10 days. We are spending a week there and a week in Great Falls. And yes, we are driving. It should be very interesting with Bennett. We're taking the dog also...one big happy family. Bernie had to buy a luggage case for the roof to fit all of our junk into the Prius. I'm looking forward to the trip. It's going to be great for everyone to finally meet Bennett, especially my dad.

Other travel plans for the summer include Portland in June. I can't wait to see Emily and meet Grant. Crystal sent us a list of things to do that sound really fun. Mainly, I want to go to the beach. And maybe some shopping. My clothes fit weird post-baby and I think I have finally grown up. All of my clothes look like juniors...I'm ready to shop in the women's department.

I am planning to see Kristen and her family in June and also hope to see Sara sometime this summer (haven't discussed this with her yet). I want to make sure I take advantage of the time I have to see important people. Who knows when I will get the opportunity again?

Another exciting upcoming event is the garden. I am looking forward to getting my plans ready for flowers and vegetables. I think I'll scale back on the flowers this year because they were a lot of work last year and got very out of control by the end of the summer. More careful planning should help. I'll also need more time to deal with the vegetables.

Bennett has officially outgrown his 0-3 month clothes. I did the switcheroo to 3-6 months today. Baby clothes sizes seem to follow no logic. Even within the same brand, things fit differently. Carter's clothes can be bought at a number of places. 0-3 months from Target fits differently than the same size from the actual Carter's store. It's a bit annoying. He has a ton of clothes in this size range. I'm not sure if he will actually be able to wear them all.

I'm still pumping, but have almost entirely eliminated 2 sessions every day (including the one overnight...thanks Crystal). I think I will keep it up until we go to Portland in June. I'm definitely not hauling the pump to Oregon. He should be staring on solids then if everything goes well. I am supplementing about 4 oz of formula a day at this point, which is hardly anything considering he eats 30.

I love the medical community.

2009-03-23T12:30:00.003-06:00

Really, I have conflicting feelings. Obviously, they did wonders for Bennett and I...we wouldn't be here without them. Bennett was supposed to get a Synagis shot today. He has been getting one once per month since he left the hospital to protect him from RSV. Preemies are at especially high risk for this dangerous respiratory disease and the shots are common practice. The first one we were supposed to get at home was not set up properly and we ended up having to have it done at the doctor's office at the last minute. The way the insurance company wants it done is as follows: we call and the shot is delivered via UPS to our house. It must be refrigerated immediately. Then the home health nurse is supposed to set up an appointment to give the shot at our house. I'm really not sure how this saves money, but whatever. Anyway, the first month this was screwed up on the home health side, it went fine last month, and we set up the appointment for this month last month. Then the nurse calls Bernie and tells him that she can't come today and reschedules for Wednesday. This isn't a huge deal in most cases, but we are going on vacation next month. The last shot will have to be early and now the window between them is even shorter. I am going to make sure this is OK at Bennett's MD appointment tomorrow.

Did I mention the series of shots costs $1400?

I won't go into great detail about how SHITTY the oxygen company was to deal with. We sat on hold for hours and got horrible service. Not to mention the fact that they are billing our insurance company over $200 per day (should have been a monthly charge) and they are just paying it! Now wonder insurance costs are rising. We need to call the insurance and tip them off because we tried to get the oxygen company to deal with it, but they haven't.

I might as well just finish my little rant here with how much this whole ordeal has cost. I know there is probably some curiosity about it. The grand total is somewhere in the $400,000 range. This includes:

$12,000 for a helicopter ride
$30,000+ for my medical care
$2200 per day for Bennett's MD visits while in the Level 3 NICU
$250,000 for his hospital stay
and thousands more in mich. xrays, meds, labs, etc.

I do not know what someone without insurance would have done. It easily would have wiped us out. But luckily we have really good insurance and our total out-of-pocket has been about $1000. The pile of insurance statements is a bit overwhelming.

SCARY!

Anyway, I will be done with my rant now. It's hard to understand the charges for some of this crap.

We have otherwise been doing well around here. Bennett is becoming more and more social. He smiles frequently and maintains good social eye contact. We need to get him more tummy time so his head lifts are stronger. I am waiting not-so-patiently for a good belly laugh from him.

I am going to be discussing formula supplementation with the MD tomorrow. Up until now, I have been pumping and he has been getting breast milk exclusively. My relationship with the pump has been deteriorating for a while now and I am ready to give it up. I feel good about having gotten this far. I was hoping to be done by the time we go on vacation next month. I might try to lessen the pumping sessions for a bit so he can still get mostly breast milk for awhile. We will see. I feel like I miss a lot of time with him because of the dreaded pump. But I'm sure there will be guilt if I stop. It's a no-win situation.

2009-03-11T18:07:00.002-06:00

I've been lax about posting due to the influx of guests we've had over the past ten days. Bernie's parents were here for almost a week. We laid low a lot of the time, but did fit in a really good dinner in downtown Denver. They were having a restaurant week. For $52.80 a couple could eat a full course meal (5280 being Denver's elevation). Our meal was yummy and would have normally cost $50 per person, so it was a good deal. Jackie and I did some shopping and big Bernie cooked us a few meals. The Bernie's also created a fenced off vegetable garden separated from my flowers. I intend to make good use of it this summer.

The weather here continues to be mostly warm and mild. We have had a number of days in the 60's recently. My flowers started to come up about a month ago...I just hope they don't get zapped by any sudden cold.

The day Bernie's parents left, Bernie went up to the ski hill to meet up with some friends. He stayed three nights and had a great time. He came home with a pretty ugly bruise on his leg. My mom flew down the next day. I don't know if she put Bennett down for more than 15 minutes the entire time she was here. He even slept on her a lot of the time. I got to sleep a great deal which felt wonderful. She insisted on getting up almost every time. And she cooked. Three different kinds of cookies, pumpkin gingersnap tart, and chicken enchiladas. I think I will eat some for dinner.

Sorry about the flood of new photos on Flicker, but we took a bunch over the past 10 days.

Back to reality tomorrow. Bernie's back at work and mommy and Bennett are on their own again.

We had our pictures taken yesterday at JC Penny. They were not great, but there were a few good ones. Hopefully when they are posted online people will be able to see them. They would have turned out better if the lady had been running on time. Our appointment was for 11. We fed Bennett at 10 and he was smiley and in a good mood between 11 and 11:30. The session didn't even start until 11:30 and by the middle we had a crabby non-smiling baby on our hands. That will teach me to make the first appointment of the day.

Finally getting some sleep again...

2009-03-02T20:14:00.003-07:00

Bernie was on his day shifts this past week. I try to let him sleep as much as possible, which equals not much sleep for me. However, Bennett is sleeping for longer periods of time at night...as long as he isn't battling his gas.

The awesome news we have is that Bennett is off of his oxygen! The doctor told me to take him off of it last week. I was paranoid all weekend that he wasn't getting enough, but he was in the mid 90's at the MD's office today. This is the most exciting development in our lives in a long time. I can actually carry him around the house on a whim! I don't have to switch tanks! I can use the mei tei carrier I bought! Hooray! There are pictures posted. He's awfully cute without any crap taped to his face.

Speaking of crap, Bennett didn't poop for three days. We had a blow out and repeated blow outs over the past couple of days. Fun times! Poop everywhere.

Grandma and Grandpa Meier are visiting this week. It has been nice to have Grandma feed him sometimes and give us a little extra sleep in the mornings. Bernie and his dad have been busy building me a garden for summer vegetable planting. Bennett is snuggling with Grandma as we speak. Just wait until my mom gets here this weekend...I won't get a cuddle in edge-wise.

Welcome to Ava Michelle! And congrats to Kristen and Phil. I really hope we get to meet her before she's marrying Bennett in 25 years.

Weight update

2009-02-17T19:54:00.002-07:00

I don't have too much to write about, but Bennett weighed 9 lbs. 11oz. on Friday!

Sending out baby having vibes to Kristen. I know you are sooooo ready to move on to the next step!

Happenings

2009-02-12T19:17:00.002-07:00

Things are pretty status quo around here lately. We have been having ongoing gas issues with Bennett. If anyone has any advice, we/he would appreciate it. We are trying the Dr. Brown bottles. Hopefully that will help in a few days.

I got the results of my HELLP blood work. Everything was negative, so it doesn't look like I have any underlying disorders. Basically that means my chances of preeclampsia are higher than a normal woman because I've had it before, but not extraordinarily higher. My doctor did not test for every possible disorder. He did not think it was necessary because not all of them are highly correlated. I guess I just need to trust the medical professional.

Bernie has been on his overnight shifts the last few days. These are my least favorite because he's gone all night and then sleeps all day. It's rough when Bennett is going three hours between when he starts eating and eats again. But last night, he went four hours both times! This was an exciting development. Here's hoping that it continues. He has a weight check tomorrow. He's probably in the high 8 lb. range. The newborn clothes are starting to get a little tight, but the 0-3 month stuff is still a bit big.

We are planning a trip to Great Falls/North Dakota in April/May. We are going to stay a whole week in each place. Melanie has her graduation in early May, so hopefully we can make it whatever kind of celebration she plans on having. Bernie's parents are coming to visit the first week in March and my mom will be here the second week. There are also whispers of visits from Marlena and my dad at some point. We'll see. There's also a trip to Portland in the works for June. We still haven't met our new nephew who was born in August.

Bennett's Birth Story

2009-02-06T15:11:00.001-07:00

Fair warning: This is really long...

It all started a week or two before Bennett was born. My pregnancy had been mostly uneventful. I began having intermittent pain and pressure in my upper abdomen. It would last for a couple of hours and then disappear. I probably had three episodes of this before I saw my midwife five days before the birth. I figured it was indigestion since it would feel worse when I ate. The same week I noticed increased swelling. I had not had any up to that point and even what I had then was mild compared to what I had seen other women go through.

When I told my midwife about my symptoms, she said she thought it was heartburn. I have never had heartburn in my life so I did not argue. She did check my urine which turned up no protein. This is a key sign of preeclampsia. She sent me home with advice to try Tums, Maalox, and Pepcid. That was Wednesday. I felt OK on Thursday. Friday morning I began to have the pain again. It got worse throughout the day. We went out to dinner with some friends. Sleeping, eating, and drinking were difficult. On Saturday morning, I remained pretty miserable. By this time I had tried both Tums and Maalox with no positive results.

I still had hardly eaten anything. I tried taking a Pepcid which did nothing. I actually drove myself down to Boulder to do some book shopping. That is a bit scary when I think back on it because I could have had seizures at any time. I got home and finally called my doctor at 4 PM. He told me to take a double dose of Pepcid and call him in 24 hours if I did not feel better. People started to give me all sorts of advice from drinking warm milk with honey, to eating uncooked rice, to chewing gum. I tried all of them to no avail. I sat in the shower for about an hour in order to feel better (again, scary in my condition). By 9 PM, I could no longer deal with it. I also know I was dehydrated and could not force myself to eat or drink. The pressure was unbearable. I called my doctor again and told him I was going to the hospital.

When I got to the ER the woman at the desk automatically assumed I was there to have the baby. She called up to L&D to tell them I was ready to give birth. I assured her I was not even close to having the baby and that something unrelated was going on. After I was wheeled up, I went to lie down and almost immediately threw up. This was strange since I had not thrown up once the entire pregnancy. They took my blood and did a urine test. Still no protein, but the doctor said my blood work was “borderline.” I was admitted for observation.

The doctor came to see us at midnight. He had not figured out the problem but thought it might be my gallbladder. He planned to have it looked at in the morning. They hooked me up to an IV for rehydration. I also had a pain med prescribed through it every two hours. The med took the edge off the pain for about 30 minutes which allowed me to get a little bit of sleep (between going to the bathroom constantly because of the fluids). Bernie went home to get some better sleep.

In the morning, the pain continued to be pretty nasty. I ate a little breakfast before they took me down for the ultrasound. The tech found nothing wrong with my gallbladder. We still didn’t know what was going on, but we were pretty sure it wasn’t heartburn by this time. The doctor came back at noon and said my blood work was still strange and that he was consulting with a specialist about it. He gave me Percocet and a shot of steroids “just in case you have to deliver early.” He said he was sure that wasn’t going to happen.

Bernie and I watched football. By the time 3 rolled around, I felt much better...like I was a whole new person. The pain was gone. I took a shower, changed my clothes, and told Bernie that I felt ready to go home. Five minutes later the doctor came in and told us that the helicopter was on the way. He said I had HELLP Syndrome and that the only way to cure it was to deliver the baby. Since the local hospital was not equipped to deal with a 31 week preemie, we had to go to Denver. The complications of undelivered HELLP Syndrome include seizures, liver rupture, bleeding to death, and fetal death.

The helicopter ride to Denver only lasted about 10 minutes, but it was beautiful. It was sunset on a clear day and I was facing the mountains. I also got to fly by the buildings downtown. A little silver lining to a very dramatic day.

The first thing that happened at St. Luke’s was an ultrasound. Bernie luckily made it just in time as he had to take the dog to the kennel and drive himself to Denver. The deal was: if he was head down, we would try a vaginal birth and if he wasn’t, we would have to do a C-section. The main risk with a C-section in my condition was that the bleeding would not stop because my platelets were too low. I was so happy that he was head down and that the doctor felt there was no reason Bennett couldn’t handle a vaginal delivery.

It was a bit strange, but the first thing I asked was to eat something. It had been so long and I was feeling so good that I wanted to eat. I was told that the process could take days since my body was not necessarily ready to give birth at 31 weeks. I really really wanted to eat! They let me order one meal at about 7 PM and told me they would begin the induction at 9 PM. I ordered a pizza from the hospital kitchen. It wasn’t that great when I think back on it, but it tasted pretty damn good at the time.

Promptly at 9, the nurse came in a and placed a prostaglandin capsule next to my cervix to soften it and encourage dilation. She told me that they would likely need to repeat the process multiple times. She encouraged me to get some rest and she would be back to check on me in four hours. Rest did not come easily and I spent most of the time watching the monitor for contractions. There were small spikes, but I was not feeling any discomfort. Bernie tried to get some sleep also and I think he did better than I did.

The nurse came in to check me at 1 AM. She immediately left the room and brought in a second nurse to make sure she was feeling things right. It turns out I was already 5 cm dilated. I was later told that I must have been pretty ill for my body to react so quickly to induction. Unfortunately, things began to slow down after that. Since I was at risk for seizures magnesium sulfate was started in my IV. It made me feel kind of icky. I also had to have a catheter because I was not allowed to get out of bed due to the magnesium. This was the most horrible part of the experience. It was especially uncomfortable for the first few hours and I wasn’t very nice to the nurse about it.

Things were allowed to progress naturally for a while after that. I kept hoping that my contractions would cooperate so I could avoid the Pitocin. That was not to be the case. My contractions never got any closer or stronger, probably because of the magnesium. They tried breaking my water also which didn’t really didn’t help. At about 7 AM the doctor ordered the Pitocin started. After about an hour it really started to kick in.

I probably dealt with the Pitocin contractions for about an hour before I broke down. They were horrible...worse than I ever imagined. There was never any build-up. I went from feeling nothing to feeling like someone was stabbing and twisting a knife in my abdomen. I really really wanted to forgo the epidural. This wish was not to be. I was so exhausted and simply worn down. I didn’t know how much longer the stabbing would last.

When I caved in and asked for the epidural, the anesthesiologist was there in less than five minutes. I was very worried that I wouldn’t be able to push effectively with the epidural. It actually turned out well. I was able to feel my legs and still felt the pressure when it was time to push. I only had the epidural for about an hour or a bit more before I felt ready to push. If I had been able to hold on a little longer, I might have avoided the epidural. But I didn’t know.

When pushing time came, I can’t even remeber how many people were in the room. In one section were my people and Bennett had his very own set up and people on the in the other section of the room. There were 2 or 3 doctors, 3 or 4 nurses, student nurses, and Bernie of course. He was the only person I wanted there. He held my right leg when the time came. I started pushing at 11 AM. What was really strange about the whole experience was that my contractions never got really close together. Even when I was ready to push, they were 2-4 minutes apart. I would watch the screen and push when one came. Then there would be this bizarre period of time where nothing was happening.

A word about mirrors. I thought that when I asked for one, it would be small and would be used when he was coming out. Much to my surprise, it was HUGE and was there the entire time I was pushing. It was a bit unnerving.

I would have had Bennett out sooner if the contractions had been closer together. As it was, it only took 34 minutes. Halfway through, his heartbeat was lost so they switched to internal monitoring. He weighted 3 lbs. 7 oz. and was 16 inches long. They took him away immediately to his zone where they got his breathing worked out. They cut part of his umbilical cord and Bernie also got to cut part of it. They let me kiss him before he was taken to the NICU.

My recovery was quick. My blood work returned to normal within 24 hours and I left the hospital 48 hours after Bennett was born. His development was slower of course. He was on a respirator for the first 24 hours and when they tried to take it out he wasn’t ready. One of his lungs collapsed and the respirator went back in for a few days. He had better luck the next time around. In total, Bennett spent 32 days between the Level 2 and 3 NICU’s. The average for a 31 weeker is 39 days, so he did well.

Bernie was the ideal partner to have during this ordeal. He was calm, rational, and empathetic. We later talked about how worried he was that he would lose one or both of us. I never saw this in him. Instead, he helped keep me relaxed and focused. The experience reminded me of why I love him so much.

Bennett and I received amazing medical care at St. Luke’s. I actually had my own nurse for the first 24 hours which was comforting. They were there whenever I needed anything and were very kind to myself and my family. I will forever feel in debt to them for what they did for us.

This was obviously not my ideal birth. I think back on it and am thankful that we got to do a vaginal birth. And of course I am so relieved that Bennett got here and we are both happy and healthy. However, I still get sad when I think about the whole ordeal. I thought I was in good health and that things were progressing normally. And then my fantasy birth came crashing down. I also have blank spots in my memory. I just can’t remember everything clearly. Sometimes I think about it all and remember a detail I had forgotten, like that I had to have oxygen near the end of the pushing stage. I didn’t remember that until three weeks after the birth. It has taken me this long to want to share this story in writing. Talking about it is a bit easier because it’s less permanent.

HELLP Syndrome Update

2009-01-26T18:22:00.004-07:00

So I have been researching HELLP Syndrome since I had Bennett. At my initial post-baby OB appointment, the MD told me that the chances of having the same thing happen in a second pregnancy are very low. He said there was nothing to do to prevent it either. Well, my own research turned up the possibility of "underlying disorders." I did not understand this well at first. I asked my midwife about it at the six week appointment and she was doubtful that such things existed. Her thought was "if it is possible to predict HELLP, wouldn't we do the test on everyone?" She did say she would look into it and get back to me.

So, more research ensued. I came across the Pre-eclampsia Foundation forums on the internet. Apparently, these underlying disorders are various genetic clotting issues and autoimmune diseases (such as Lupus) that can be found through blood tests. The science of it all is very fuzzy to me, but when a person has one or more of these issues, they are more likely to suffer from Pre-eclampsia and HELLP. There is no solid proof that they cause the problems. But they can give a person a better idea of their odds of having issues. If one is found to have any of these disorders, a second pregnancy is still a good possibility. However, many specialists will suggest that you take Lovenox of Heparin (blood thinners) shots throughout, as well as a low-dose Aspirin. While the idea of injecting myself on a daily basis for thirty or so weeks is nasty, it's better that getting ill and having a premature baby. These medications have their own set of risks and the benefits must be greater before a doctor will take this course of action.

I had started to lose faith that my MD would get back to me with his own findings. I planned on pursuing a specialist appointment sometime this week. Then, he called me today and left a message with something to the effect of "Turns out there are some blood tests we can do. I will send an order over to the lab and you can get blood drawn at your convenience. " Ha! It feels good that I was serious about researching this on my own and I turned out to be right. The situation reminded me that general practitioners do not often have all of the specialized information-even in their own field. It made me happy that he was willing to look into it and not just write me off.

Needless to say, I will be going to the lab tomorrow to have the blood drawn. I have heard they take 15-20 tubes. Fun! I'm also in the process of donating some of my breast milk that I pumped while Bennett was in the NICU. More blood to give for that on Thursday. Hopefully they leave me with enough.

On a happier note...Bennett's eyelashes are growing in! For the longest time he didn't have any. He is relaxing in his swing right now halfway between awake and sleep.

Baby info overload

2009-01-24T16:09:00.003-07:00

I am about to bore your with a few paragraphs about everything Bennett-related in our lives lately which pretty much amounts to everything.

Today is his due date! I should have been huge, lumbering, and complaining up a storm at this point. He is also two months old today. I know this sounds ridiculous, but ever since I had him I have felt a bit robbed. I have been sad that I did not get to finish the pregnancy through to it's natural end. These thoughts do not consume me on a daily basis but they have been lingering. I am thankful that Bennett is healthy and growing (more on that later). I hope now that the due date is passing, I can stop thinking about it.

On Tuesday, we noticed that when he tries to cry at a high pitch his voice is hoarse. It was very strange so we called the MD on Wednesday. He was not worried and told us to bring Bennett in on Friday for a weight check and to make sure he is doing well. His voice seems a little better, but it is still hoarse. The MD did not think it was anything serious and wants to just watch him. He does not have a cough, runny nose, or fever. Maybe it's a case of baby laryngitis? Who knows. He does weigh 7 lbs 12 oz though which is a nice healthy birth weight. He gained 21 ounces in 10 days which is quite a bit considering an ounce a day is normal. He does eat a lot though...usually 4 ounces every 3 hours. This weight gain came on breast milk only. The MD says there must be something good in it!

Speaking of breast milk, we are officially trying to switch to breast feeding. Today I have not given him a bottle since 8am. It has been somewhat difficult thus far because I don't think he takes as much as when he eats out of a bottle. Then he doesn't sleep as long. We'll see how it goes, but I think he may eat every 2 instead of 3 hours. Is no pumping worth it? I don't know yet. Monday I plan to take him to the lactation consultant and do a feed and weigh to see how much he is taking in.

I got my evaluations from teaching back yesterday. They were very positive which was nice. I thought there may have been more complaints than there were. Overall, the students seemed to enjoy the class and learn something from it.

Oh, I hear some squawking...time for round four!

2009-01-18T13:13:00.002-07:00

My mom came to town yesterday. It was a difficult trip picking her up from the airport on my four hours of interrupted sleep. Friday night was the first time I was with Bennett alone while Bernie was on an overnight shift. There is usually a three hour interval between when he starts eating and eats again. It takes about 40 minutes to feed, burp, change, and put him back to bed. Then, depending on his gas situation, he will go right to sleep or grunt and groan for 30 minutes. Then I have to pump before I go back to sleep. So, in the end I sleep about an hour and a half between feedings. I was sufficiently exhausted. When I was driving to the airport, I missed the exit and had to go through two extra toll booths. Then, on the way home I missed another exit and to top it off I drove through the last toll booth without paying. It's a good thing they switched to license plate tolls on January 1st or I might be looking at a $450 fine. I was not in a good state of mind for driving.

Last night was better. I got up the first two times and my mom got up the last time so I got about 3 hours of uninterrupted sleep. It felt pretty good although I will still need a nap.

My mom is cooking her life away. She made tacos and muffins yesterday (double good banana muffins-they are amazing if anyone wants the recipe). Today she is making some kind of gingersnap pumpkin creme tart and manicotti. I don't know what will be on her list tomorrow. But I'm not complaining.

She is cuddling Bennett every chance she gets and is already plotting how they can gang up on me when they are older. She says that they have a common enemy. Fun times ahead.

The oxygen lady came on Friday. We did a test while Bennett ate without the oxygen to see how he did. He levels immediately dropped. He will definitely still need it while eating. We are going to try 4 hours of no oxygen today while he is sleeping and awake to see how he does. If he keeps the levels up, he will only need it while eating. I have a feeling, he still needs more time. If he does not pass, the lady said that he may need it for another 2-6 months. I was hoping for a shorter time, but he needs what he needs.

Mmm....I just ate a warm gingersnap cookie. I am going to enjoy being food spoiled for the next couple of days.

Ham hock

2009-01-12T19:35:00.002-07:00

Bennett had his doctor's appointment today. He weighed in at 6lbs 7 oz! Huge! Okay...maybe we are a bit sheltered from the real world of baby size, but he's huge to us. He was 19.5 inches long, up from 16 when he was born. He should definitely be at average weight and height when he gets to 40 weeks (except that he'll be 2 months old). It will be odd to track his development by his age and by his adjusted age. While a full term baby might roll over at 2 months, Bennett might not until 4 months.

He just had his first full-fledged fit and still hasn't settled down completely. We're not sure what's wrong, but he had his first set of vaccinations today. He's probably pretty sore. Bernie just went out to get him some Tylenol, so hopefully that will help. My heart just about falls out of my body when he screams like that.

We are going to make an appointment with an occupational therapist tomorrow to ensure that he is developing properly. We are also getting a room air challenge tomorrow, so keep your fingers crossed that he can get rid of the oxygen. It will be nice to be able to take him around the house without having to change to the portable tank and haul it around.

Breastfeeding has been somewhat rocky, but we seemed to finally get it right today. My nipples weren't screaming and he seemed to be satisfied at the end. Hopefully the pumping and bottle feeding can be over soon. The MD gave us the okay to stop the two times per day formula. Now we will do all breast milk and check his weight again in two weeks.

What else?? Bernie's birthday is on Thursday. He will be 31 and we plan to go out to dinner. It will be our first non-medical related outing with Bennett since he came home. It will also be the first time Bernie and I have been out together. We have been taking turns leaving the house since he has been home. I better start getting used to the idea of being at home with Bennett alone because Bernie is going back to work on Friday.

My mom is coming on Saturday and staying until Tuesday. She is ultra-excited to cuddle Bennett, as you can see by her comments on the photo page. Bernie and I will get to go out alone for dinner while she is here. Exciting stuff, I know.

We're all still alive...

2009-01-06T20:25:00.004-07:00

and well even. We have kept Bennett healthy and we haven't killed each other yet. We are a bit lazy however. There are many things we could be getting done while we are both a home for such a long stretch, but we spend a lot of time watching stupid TV.

Bernie is in a football pool for all of the bowl games and may actually tie for first out of 125 people. When the bowl games are over on Thursday, he may get a bit bored.

I have my six week follow-up appointment tomorrow. I plan to talk to my midwife about seeing a specialist about the HELLP Syndrome. My doctor felt that my chances for it were not any higher in a second pregnancy. However, my own research says that the recurrence rate is 5-7%, which may not seem high, but it does when you consider the overall rate is .5-.7%. On top of that, the chances of other complications (regular pre-eclampsia, IUGR, etc.) may be about 40%. There may be some blood tests they can run to assess my risk, but I'm not sure. I just want to know as much as I can.

Bennett gets his first bath at home tomorrow. We have had to wait while his circumcision heals, so he is definitely ready. I'm not sure he'll enjoy it as much as in the hospital since we don't have the fancy heat lamp.

I went by the rec center and ice rink yesterday (where I worked very little before I had Bennett) and picked up a few shifts over the next few weeks. I think it will be good to get out and talk to other people in the real world. Plus, the free gym membership is worth it.

We've been real parents for three days!

2008-12-29T21:17:00.002-07:00

I like to think we've done well so far. The first night was hectic. We weren't sure what was normal and what wasn't. Bennett had a bit of indigestion and made a lot of noise most of the night. We learned how important a good burping session is. He does tend to make bouts of noise while sleeping, but I guess that's normal. He sleeps for 3-4 hours, eats, looks around, gets his diaper changed, and goes back to sleep. His eating has been increasing rapidly which is great. We just have to make sure he paces himself so he doesn't choke. He's had a couple of episodes of choking since coming home. It is very scary to see him stop breathing for a moment while his face turns purple.

We had our first follow-up with the pediatrician today. Bennett is up to just over 5 lbs and over 17 inches. Hopefully, we can get him up to around 7 lbs by his due date!

Home at last

2008-12-26T20:19:00.002-07:00

The past week has been a bit of a whirlwind. Bennett was progressing well in the NICU. He started bottle feeding once per day on December 15th and increased from there. By Christmas Eve, he was taking all of his feedings by mouth and the tube was removed. He was put in a crib very recently also and was keeping his temperature up (with 2 sets of clothes and three blankets). He remained on the lowest amount of oxygen possible and failed a room air test twice this week. This did not matter because he could come home on the oxygen without a problem.

Last Thursday, his nurse told us she thought he would be there another four weeks. Monday, the MD said another two weeks would be all he needed. Then he turned on a switch. By Wednesday plans were for discharge this weekend. Yesterday, they told us we could take him home today. It is a little overwhelming to have everything happen so fast. I had to get up extra early this morning to get him an appointment with a pediatrician, buy all the stuff we still needed, and get the car seat installed. We left the hospital at about 3:00 this afternoon. There are a couple of pictures of his departure on the picture page.

He is still on the oxygen and may need that for up to another month. His body does not have enough mature red blood cells to stay properly oxygenated. However, a recent blood test showed that he has plenty of them maturing. So hopefully it won't be for long.

Now we are super alert and have a hard time leaving his room for long. I'm sure that will fade over time. It feels amazing and scary at the same time to have him home. He will be 36 weeks gestation tomorrow. He's up to 4lbs. 13oz.

He's eating about 2oz, 6-8 times per day. He gets breast milk for all but two feedings when he has to have a special preemie formula. I don't like it, but it is what is best for his development at this point. We hope to switch to full breast feeding around the time he is full term. It will depend on how well he gains weight. So think positive thoughts.

Bernie is taking the next 2-3 weeks off, so we have some time to adjust to being parents together. We will be spending most of our time at home because Bennett is not supposed to go out much until he is a bit older. Too many germy nasty people out there.

Lastly, Happy Holidays to everyone! I hope to get birth announcements out as soon as possible...so keep your eye out.

Bennett is coming home today!

2008-12-26T08:33:00.000-07:00

More later...

It's Almost Christmas??

2008-12-15T18:56:00.003-07:00

Time is all but meaningless to me right now. I have a difficult time keeping track of what day it is, but apparently Christmas is in less than ten days. We officially have none of our shopping done.

Graduation was this past Friday. It felt good to go through the ceremony, but I still won't officially done until this Wednesday. I am waiting for a few slackers to turn in papers that will be graded for a maximum of half credit. And then they will bitch about their low grades. Most of the students are normal responsible adults, but there are definitely a few that make life difficult. I'm not sure if I would want to pursue teaching in college for a career. Once their grades are turned in, I will feel like I can concentrate on all of the crap around the house that needs to be done.

We had a graduation party that turned out really fun. My mom and Bernie's parents made a ton of food and we had about 30 people. I didn't think we knew that many people around here. I was ready for bed at 7pm.

Our guests are slowly trickling home. My grandma was only here for a couple of days. It was great to spend some time with her, she really is a fun lady. Bernie's parents left today as did Melanie. My mom will leave tomorrow. I hope Mel had some fun with all of the family. We can be an interesting group. I'm sure I will start to miss people in a few days, but it will be nice to have some time on our own. There are a couple of books I would like to read that have no academic value.

We did a shit ton of shopping over the past four days. Bennett and I were very spoiled. His room has almost everything it needs. I plan to post pictures once we get the dresser home and the rocking chair is delivered. My mom bought him the cutest vintage Humpty Dumpty lamp along. Jackie brought an unbelievable amount of clothing (some new and some from our nephew Grant who is four months old). None of it fits of course, but he will get there. I bought a pile of preemie clothes because they are dressing him now. Check out the pictures for one of his new little outfits. They look like doll clothes and they sort of hang off of him.

Along with being dressed now, Bennett has started to gain some weight (keep your fingers crossed that it continues). He has been up and down over the past 10 days. He is now at over 3lbs 14 oz. We are almost to 4 lbs! That's when crib time becomes closer. It will be a big step to have him out of the incubator.

The most exciting news is that he had his first feeding by mouth today. I got to feed him a bottle and he took to it surprisingly well. The nurse tried to prepare me that it might be a struggle at first, but he ended up drinking 25ml (a regular feeding is 35ml). He was so cute. He would suck really hard for about five seconds, rest for 30, and suck for five more. It totally wore him out. He was basically sleeping at the end. We will keep this up once a day for a bit and then slowly increase. Hopefully, we can introduce the breast soon also.

My mom and I put together as much of his room as possible tonight. I will post pictures of that when we get everything in place.

What's new

2008-12-05T08:08:00.002-07:00

Bennett continues to do well and is making small (and big) improvements every day. He still has the cannula in his nose, but the pressure has been reduced to 1 (from 4) and the oxygen in only at 23% (normal room air is 21%). The pressure is to keep the sacs in his lungs open. Apparently he cannot go home until the pressure is gone, but can come with oxygen. Of course, we hope it will all be gone by that point. At this rate, we may see him come off of all of it within the next week.

They did a scan of his brain yesterday and there was no sign of bleeding or other damage. This is very comforting news, since that was one of our biggest fears. The doctor told us that the risk for that has passed and not to worry about it anymore.

The IV has been removed from his bellybutton, so there are significantly fewer cords coming out of him. I got to hold him skin to skin for the first time yesterday which was wonderful. He seemed a bit uncomfortable, but I think we need more practice! After about 15 minutes, he peed on me despite wearing a diaper. I'm sure that won't be the last time.

His feedings continue to be increased. Today he will be at what is considered full feedings for his weight (30ml every 3 hours). I'm not sure where they will go from there, but I assume they increase them more as he gains weight. He was 3 lbs 7 oz when he was born, dropped to 3lbs 3 oz., and has now gotten up to 3 lbs 9oz as of yesterday. He has been gaining quite a bit in the past 3 days, so here's to hoping that rate continues. When he gets to 4 lbs, they will begin to slowly lower the temperature in his isolette. The we can start dressing him. When he maintains his body temperature, they will put him in a crib.

The four things he needs to do to come home: breathe on his own, gain weight, tolerate full feedings by mouth, and maintain his body temperature. We are on our way to all but the eating at this point, which is a developmental issue.

A nurse told me we can begin next week to introduce him to the breast. They call it breast play. I pump before we visit and he is allowed to roam around down there to get used to it. If he actually latches on, all the better. Apparently we can actually begin trying to feed him at 34 weeks which is earlier than I had thought. That is only a little over a week away.

Overall, Bennett seems to be a very mellow baby. He only cries when something is making him physically uncomfortable, like heel pricks and removing the IV line. Even then, it's only for a moment. He must get that from Bernie.

Other things in life are going well. I'm a bit stressed with all of this school work I'm trying to finish up by next week. My students turned in 8 page papers this week (60 of them) which are a mountain to finish. I have a take home final due Tuesday, which I need to get started on. There isn't a moment in the day to relax, but it should settle down after graduation.

My mom is coming back Wednesday, my grandma at some point, Bernie's parents Thursday, and Melanie is coming on Friday! I'm very happy that Mel is coming down, it was a great surprise.

Bennett Update

2008-11-29T18:30:00.003-07:00

We have had a busy couple of days. I was discharged from the hospital on Wednesday and am feeling much better. On Tuesday night we had a couple of setbacks that made for a terrible night's sleep. One of Bennett's lungs collapsed. He had to have a rod placed in his lung, a chest tube put in, and started back on the respirator. They had tried a different breathing machine, but he did not take to it.

They were able to remove the rod, chest tube, and respirator yesterday. He did much better this time around and is now breathing with the help of an oxygen cannula. He also got to start eating on Thanksgiving which is very appropriate. He cannot coordinate his sucking and swallowing yet (should happen around 35-36 weeks), so he has a tube that goes into his stomach. The are feeding him 6 ounces of breast milk every three hours. This is more than they started with, so that is good news. He threw up a little today which is normal as his stomach adjusts to having something in it. I spend a lot of time pumping and pumping and pumping. But it feels good to be able to contribute something meaningful to his care.

We get to touch him and help with his care (change his diaper and take his temp) every three hours. So far, we have decided to commute back and forth on a daily basis to see him. It takes about 50 minutes each way, which isn't too bad. There are babies there who don't see their parents for weeks because they live and work out of state.

There are new pictures on Flickr. I posted a link on the left side of the page.

Bennett Owen Meier

2008-11-24T13:04:00.002-07:00

Born 11:34am this morning. He weighted 3lbs 3.7oz and is 16 1/4 inches long.

We've got pictures of him here:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/32136286@N04/